On Monday it will be 4 years since I signed up on this board. I haven't really been posting much lately. I don't feel as if I can offer much. I still love my H and thought we were making progress. But we seem to be right back where we were before our talk. The last email he sent me said he wouldn't call me about anything because he didn't want to talk to me unless he absolutely had to. I wonder sometimes why I am still standing. I know that the reason is because I feel led to stand by the Lord.

I seem to be alienating every one lately. S21 told me last weekend he was coming home again this weekend. He didn't show or call and finally at about 4:30 this afternoon I called and ask what was going on. I think I said Hi S21, where ya at? He said still down here, then explained why. I told him I really didn't mind that he hadn't come home but I would appreciate a call when he changed his plans because I worried that he could have gotten in an accident or something. He informed me that he hadn't told me when he was coming home and he wasn't going to F'in check in with me. I was shocked by his response and said well S21 maybe you should just stay down there this weekend. He said something about that was what he was going to do then and we said good bye.

I don't know why he thinks it is alright to talk to me like that. I have never asked him to check in with me but common courtesy says that you call someone when you aren't going to show up. I am a little tired of making sacrifices for my children and then being treated poorly afterward. I overheard S18 telling his GF that she was stupid. Why are these young men being so disrespectful and what should I do about it? Have I sent a message that it is okay? I feel very emotional today and last night two. I am on the edge of tears most of the time. I took S18 to rent a tux for his GF's prom in a couple of weeks and we went to dinner. Everything just feels messed up right now. I can't really pinpoint the problem but something is very wrong.

Thanks for listening.

Everything happens for a reason, maybe Dad needs to find that it isn't better out there, he needs to realize how good he had it here. Maybe he will find God and that is the most important thing when he finds Him he will know he is supposed to come home.