Towards the end she got quiet and said on the way back from her trip she felt really down and didn't feel like a good person. I wasn't sure how to take that, so just fell back on validating and said she shouldn't be down on herself and she was a good person. Not true, of course - she's abandoning her M for OM, but I couldn't bring myself to say that.
Lodo, I think you missed a great opportunity. Why do you feel the need to not only validating ("I understand you feel that way"), but outright AGREEING with her, and telling her she's a "good person"???
If you don't want to kick her when she's down, then just say "Why do you say that?" and let her talk. But if it were me, and my wife was having an affair and said "I'm not a good person," I would reply:
"Yes, you are. You just haven't been making good DECISIONS lately."
