Thank you all for your comments and recommendations.
For a couple of months, I have had a feeling, or intuitive future-feeling, that my marriage will have to end before my W wakes up to what she is doing, and possibly reconsiders returning to rebuild a new R with me.
That is why I am willing to consider the mediated dissolution of our marriage. But even if I go that route, I am not going to be rushing into it.
W drove up here ealier today for the purpose of closing a joint credit card account with me, and dividing up 20 years worth of collected artworks, artbooks and music CDs. She was friendly and cheerful, and I reciprocated likewise.
Over the course of 5 hours, we shared brunch, smiles, lunch and laughs, and yet there we were - dividing up so many material items, each one tied to so many memories, feelings and tones. This is how it has been for well over a year now. We have no problems getting along and treating each other kindly and conversing about a variety of topics. Yet, outwardly, she has never wavered in moving toward her goal of terminating our marriage, and I continue to grapple with the absurdity of this entire situation.
Even though I have been DBing really well, following the LRT and only having one regretable verbal exchange in 15 months - W has not shown any signs of any baby steps back to me. And after rejecting the third consecutive Retrouvaille program in 13 months, I really am feeling like there is nothing else for me to do.
Trusting and Cagzmom, I find it interesting that we 3 have all been married for 20 years. You both communicate hope despite seeing your marriages end(ing). I believe I can also hold onto hope and continue standing after my marriage dissolves.
Do any of you see any benefits to making my W file and drag this out over many more months, when she has made it clear that she does not want to want to work on the marriage at all, and that she is not even capable of revealing or communicating those inner portions of herself that has brought us to this point?
LG
Me 46 WAW 45 M 21 yrs
WAW: "I need to be alone" 12/06 W moves out 3/07 Mediation finalized 08/08
