On another note, your H sounds like he's suffering from depression. I say that because his moodiness sure sounds a lot like I was, all sullen and temperamental. Maybe he needs to see a doctor?
Thanks Nocode and Yoyo! Thanks for the rose, nocode! I think H is suffering from MLC maybe also, I think they have a depression stage in there, and he has certainly gone through the first anger stage, and the Replay stage is the second when they have affairs, and I think depression is the 3rd stage maybe? He says he is seeing a C for his anger and other issues so hopefully the C will help but I think he probably does need an AD which he will probably never take b/c he is a sober alcoholic and not wanting to take drugs of any kind (even prescription ones) which I think is a mistake though b/c he probably is depressed and that would really help him!!! (and me having to deal with him too! )
I agree with you Yoyo that I probably shouldn't have to email H, but would be doing that for my son's sake really, b/c I think it might be good for H to know what is going on in my son's head and that S14 wants to spend more time with his dad. H did ask the initial question how did it go, but I think he ran out b/c maybe he was afraid I would tell him something that would hurt him or make him feel guilty (like what S14 said about his dad not being around much before he moved out) which I have decided I won't say b/c I think that would probably hurt H plus put him against S14 getting future therapy possibly & I want H to be on board b/c I think it might be good for S14. (H is already a little hesitant I think b/c they are seeing my therapist but his is like a Marine drill instructor (kind of scary and gruff) and my C is like a motherly, sweet type who has already gotten a bunch of info out of my non-talking S14!!!!
Thanks for the nice comments! I think I am just a positive person though compared to my negative H, unfortunately. Hopefully his C will help him or something or maybe he'll get over his MLC or whatever. It's hard to deal with him, but it is probably worse even for him being depressed & angry like that I would think!
I did send him an email at lunch time telling him about the therapy yesterday, just that Daniel wanted to spend more time with him and we need to try to work harder on being with him (because S14 tends to isolate himself much more than D8 I guess being a teen and all). And told him he wants to go to the library every week which I will do. And that if the therapist wants him to have therapy I think it might be a good idea for him to get his feelings out.
I asked him to reply back to me about that as I felt that our communication re: the kids which he wants us to do (I think he read about that in the Good Divorce book or maybe his therapist suggested it?) and it is always just me doing all the communicating, monologuing, and emailing re: the kids and when I ask him a question he is monsyllable or no talking at all. I feel that wherever he learned about the communicating about kids idea (therapist or book) I doubt they intended for just one parent to do the communicating and having it be one-way communication only.
He of course has not replied back to me today re: my email re: the kids although he has replied back to me about an email I sent re: a bill.
I feel like not communicating with him anymore & not taking the weekly "communicating about the kids" walks on the weekends that he wanted to do b/c of that at least until he begins to communicate with me as well. Do you think that is a good idea and if so, should I email him or talk to him about that or just stop communicating (as he does!) without any notice???? I just feel it's unfair the way we have been doing it with just me doing all the communication and him refusing to talk!!! I'd appreciate any/all comments on this b/c I don't want to be unfair to H but I also don't want to be unfair to myself either! Karen
OK, I probably just broke some major DB rules, but am upset. H never emailed or talked to me after I emailed him about S14's therapy, missing his Dad, etc. Today my D8 has the stomach flu and has been vomiting since early this morning. Just threw up again. H was supposed to pick her up at the theatre after a party he is going to, and I emailed him asking if he could go earlier or something as I think she is too sick to go to the theatre even for a half hour or so. H never has emailed me and that was an hour or two ago (he has always been compulsive about checking his Blackberry when he is not with OW so is probably with her. And I tried calling him on his cell phone and he won't answer & has never set up his voicemail either so can't leave a message!!!
I just emailed him: Since you are not communicating with me re: the kids, I will no longer bother to communicate with you then either. I would think wherever you got the idea from when you said you wanted to comm. about the kids, whether your therapist or a book, they probably did not intend for one parent to do all the communicating, and none from the other parent. I feel like I am wasting my time when you don't communicate as well & seem to ignore me: for example when I emailed you about the therapy/Daniel and today with Jamie sick. I'm not mad, just don't think this is the way most people would intend communication to occur: one-way. Thanks for reading this (I guess if you do...) You may want to discuss this with your therapist??? I think that would be a good idea probably. I don't want to discuss it with you as it is now.
I actually am mad at him right now & just worried about having to take sick S8 to the theatre (I can't just not go to the play!) I wish he was less of a teenager, and more of a man!!! Karen
He just emailed me back that he will be here tonight just a half hour late, and that he agrees I shouldn't communicate with him anymore about the kids!!!! He's a major weirdo--I know we are supposed to be positive about our spouses, but I can't believe that! Karen
Karen, He agrees that you shouldn't communicate to him anymore about his kids? He's their father! He needs to be involved in their life, their up bringing, their physical and emotional well-being, everything! What's he going to do, walk away from not only you, but them as well? Perhaps he's just putting his head deeper into the sand (or up his arse!).
But at least he's going to be able to watch D8 tonight. That's a relief for you. You don't need to worry about her when you're on stage. Good luck again tonight.
He just emailed me back that he will be here tonight just a half hour late, and that he agrees I shouldn't communicate with him anymore about the kids!!!! He's a major weirdo--I know we are supposed to be positive about our spouses, but I can't believe that! Karen
I had to read that twice to just be sure that I read it right! Unbelieveable!
Hope your DD is better soon. You are a wonderful mother and your children know this. Hugs to you all!
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
Today must be the day for H's to be a$$es. Don't let him get under your skin. You are doing a wonderful job. Good luck tonight, we are all with you. kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
I don't know what the deal is with H. He had emailed me tonight that he had meant to talk to me last night about S14 but I was talking about the play (it was a really fun night) so he couldn't! All he had to do was say, "Let's talk about S14" before he left. I think that is ridiculous!
And then after trying to call/email him all day re: sick D8 he emails me about an hour before I'm supposed to be at the theatre and said he didn't know what "my problem" is and hope's I'll feel better soon (I guess like I'm mentally ill or something!) I emailed him back that maybe he should look at himself, instead of thinking something is my problem or my fault! I do realize I need to work more on detaching from H so his behavior won't make me so upset, but I was worried about my sick D8 too which made it worse I think!
Glad I had the play tonight; I realize seeing my friends and the distraction have helped me so much to deal with everything!!! Karen
I think H is suffering from MLC maybe also, I think they have a depression stage in there, and he has certainly gone through the first anger stage, and the Replay stage is the second when they have affairs, and I think depression is the 3rd stage maybe? He says he is seeing a C for his anger and other issues so hopefully the C will help but I think he probably does need an AD which he will probably never take b/c he is a sober alcoholic and not wanting to take drugs of any kind (even prescription ones) which I think is a mistake though b/c he probably is depressed and that would really help him!!! (and me having to deal with him too! 
Karen