"On the other hand, it's time to draw some clearer boundaries, so that I don't lose out on #4. Does this make sense to anybody else?"
It does to me. I think that everyone has to progress within the boundries of their own situation and operate with the dynamics of their own relationship in mind. So long as you present your question in a civil manner, it would seem to me that you are respecting yourself as well as your W. Only you can decide if your relationship is now in a position that it can handle this step you want to take.
I've had to confront my H about his cell phone activity too, not because someone had a gun to my head, but because I knew it was time. I would have to say that so far, I'm glad I did. I have reached a point in my dbing efforts where I must begin to draw small but visible lines.
