God give me the patience and the strength...2

[Nutty Chick]

Dear TOH.


Can I make the point, that, both you and your H have, by the sounds of it, had very abusive childhoods. With that in mind maybe what you are using as a benchmark as what is acceptable and what is not, is very different from people who have not had an abusive childhood. Just because your H isn’t as abusive as your mum .. or his dad doesn’t make what he is does OK. Violence is violence. Where do you draw the line? A push? A shove? A kick? A punch? Broken bones where?

Is it also fair to say that your H behaviour is getting progressively worse? At first he only hit you when he was drunk .. not he is sober. He used to be faithful now he has OW. He promised to love you and never divorce and yet he is treating you worse than he would a stranger on the street.

YOU are showing yourself no respect by continuing to allow him to treat you worse than a dog. Why should he respect you?

You are not talking to a brick wall; I hear what you are saying loud and clear,. I hear that you feel your husband is sick, (So is mine is a very different way, but equally as damaged) I hear that you want to help him and want him to get better. (I do but not at the expense of my own mental health) But what I don’t understand is why you are continuing to do what isn’t working. Your H is tearing you apart and blaming you. He acts as if he hates you and says YOU need to draw him back in. WHO does he think he is? Why are you trying to save a man who doesn’t want to be saved? I just don’t get it? If I was you I would leave him and OW to drink themselves to death and get on with my own life.

NC