Well, the confrontation over my W's secret cellphone is going to happen today. I got an email from the cellphone company that someone had changed the account password, which could only mean that my W had accessed the account on-line, which in turn meant that she would see that I had accessed the account. I then called her. She wouldn't take the call then, but later called me back. We're going to talk after she gets home in about an hour.
I've been rehearsing what to say for about 2 1/2 weeks now (ever since I found out about the phone), but I still feel somewhat unprepared for this. Be it hereby resolved, I'm not going to get angry, I'm not going to react badly to her excuses for continuing to contact the OG and lying to me about it, and I'm going to try to remember my goals. Awhile back, I listed by goals as follows:
1. Get my marriage back 2. Get it back wholely 3. Get it back as quickly as possible 4. Without sacrificing too much of myself in the process
This is going to be an important discussion in regards to all 4. I feel like if I'm too tough and demanding, I may be sacrificing #3, and maybe #'s 1 and 2. On the other hand, it's time to draw some clearer boundaries, so that I don't lose out on #4. Does this make sense to anybody else?
It oughta go without saying, but I'll make sure that she understands that I'm not willing to share her. I was willing to let her contact him for awhile and just try to DB, but no more. It's time, hon, to really commit yourself to our M, time to let go of whatever fantasy you had about the OG.
She may get angry that I snooped; I need to be ready to handle that without getting angry myself. Will she be able to see how little a thing it is that I snooped in comparison to her continuing to call him and lie to me?
I'm confident (maybe too confident) that she will agree to do what I want, and not do anything drastic. What I can't know, of course, is what will happen next. Will she follow through or is she too weak?
Well, best not get ahead of myself. Need to just worry about this conversation. I'll let you know how it goes.
