Been awhile since I posted, but so much has happened that I needed some time to sort it out. I found out during our road trip to Connecticut that the affair has continued between my H and OW. They maybe took a month off between Thanksgiving and Christmas, but otherwise it is still on. So that means this has been going on for 10 months. When I found out (by questioning him about texting, staying in the truck while my son and I ate dinner), I was really sad, stayed pretty calm, asked just a few questions, etc. I told him I didn't want to contact a lawyer, he reluctantly said he might talk to one, and the trip ended with us friendly but distant. He has not spoken to a lawyer, and has not brought up talking to one.
So, now I at least know what battle I'm actually fighting. I thought he just needed time to get over the OW and affair when it was actually going on almost the whole time we've been separated. I am amazed that he hasn't filed for divorce yet, because the OW has (of course) been pushing him to make a decision. So, as crazy as I have felt at times, and as many times as I have gotten irritated with him or talked about our R when I shouldn't have, he still has not pursued a divorce. So I guess that's proof that Dbing works, and at the very least makes a difference.
I am concerned that he wants our children to see OW/spend time with her. I've been clear from the beginning that I do not want that to happen, and because she was very close to my family, I feel it would be damaging and confusing to the children to see her in the context of a relationship with their daddy. I found out that he wanted to take the kids to see her at work one night, she (sweet person that she is - not) said it wasn't a good idea because I don't want the kids around her, and he didn't take them. When I confronted him about this, he said he had been more or less joking, and he promised that because I was adamant that they not see her, he would respect my wishes. Of course, everything out of his mouth (well, almost everything) has been a lie. So I don't know whether I believe him or not.
I'm going to talk to a lawyer Monday about legal separation, and I want to know if we can specify in the papers that OW cannot be around the children at all. I don't know yet if I'm going to file for a legal separation; I just need to speak to a lawyer and find out more about it. I think my husband would have to begin paying child support (he still pays all our bills), would probably need a lawyer now (he doesn't have the money for one right now), and I know he doesn't want me to file for a legal separation. So I'm really torn.
I feel like the relationship with my H and OW will, in time, self-destruct, and if I can hold out long enough, we might still be married when it does. They are both incredibly selfish people, have terrible financial sense, have nasty tempers, and this makes the third affair she's had in the last five years. She is also verrrry materialistic, and my H cannot afford her. As far as their relationship goes, they are at the peak of it right now. This is the best it's ever going to be, financially and otherwise. I know I can outlast her unless my husband files for divorce before they break it off.
So what should I do? Will a legal separation probably put even more distance between us? Will it push him toward her even more? What should I be doing right now to be the attractive option in this situation? Any thoughts are very much appreciated! Thanks for reading this long post!!