For the guys with kids and a WAW

[Steel_Box]

My question to the guys in a similar position. What about the kids? I know that I have friends and family that will back me up on fighting for custody of my girls. Even her own son and nephew. I know in my heart it is in the best interest of our kids that they stay at home with me. What are the odds? Who else is in the same boat? She admits her selfishness. So far the people that know me (and even some that don't) say I need to get the kids. I live in a continual state of confusion. Like some of the others on the site that would call ourselves dummies, still love our WAW, but have had it. Is it selfishness on my part to want to do this? I don't feel like I am just doing it to hurt her, but maybe she will finally get to that low place and finally get it. I want to know that I am doing the right thing.

Help

Roger

Roger,
All other things aside you need to fight for whats best for your kids. That is something that is non-negotiable. What is best for them can be defined alot of ways, and you are the only one that can decide that here. As far as the odds, that depends on alot of factors. Some may be out of your direct control such as the state you live in, but many others are directly related to how you handle things. It is always possible.

My sitch was similar, in that my W was in a full fledged PA, denying it, (in my opinion) failing to be a good Mom, wanted out, ILYBINILWY, Etc. For my own reasons, alot having to do with a fear that she was going to try to move away with my kids I filed for D. I know that is unconventional as far as DBing goes, but it was before I found out about the site or the book, and like I said I had my reasons. I was able to get primary domiciliary parent with us sharing joint physical custody. So it is possible for you to get what you want.

On the better side of the story, after going through all this. My W came to me after moving out and asked if I would let her come home. We are now together in the same house and things are going very well. We have a much better relationship now, and are much better at communicating our needs to each other. We are still working on things and will probably always be. But I've found out that that's the point- if you're not working on your marriage then you are standing by watching it deteriorate.

The long and short of it is this. Don't give up! I didn't get to this point easily, I was on this board quite a bit for support and advice. I gave my W space & I DB'd my A$$ off. It will taking an amazing amount of strength on your part, but in the end it WILL be worth it. As I'm sure you've already been told on here, whether you make it through this with or without her, you have to do it for you and more importantly your kids.

I still think that finding ways to DB and repairing your M is the best solution, but if you have to fight, then be a warrior. Just rememeber that a warrior is someone who fights with honor, dignity, and for the right reasons.