MLC is CRAZY!!! What a Roller Coaster!!!

[tpaschal]

You are right, I need to stop thinking about my hubby and trying to fit things. I cannot make him love me. I cannot make him understand or see what he is doing. I cannot save him or fix him, us, my marriage, or my family. I just have to detach, detach, detach!!!! This is the hardest thing for me to do. I will go a couple of days and do good. Then when I am least expecting it....bam, I am right back to being attached, trying to reason and get him to come home. It's been almost 7 months now. 7 months! My gosh, I would have never guessed he would have been gone this long and to never have looked back that is biggest shocker. I have read 31 books. Nothing works for my situation. I guess I am at fault to for the different methods not working. I seem to go 2 steps forward and 3 steps back. I wish I could just turn cold like him. I'm hanging in there. Not liking it...but hanging in there surviving.

2ndNoah,

I've got to get to S9's soccer game in a few minutes, so don't have time to reply in full, but wanted to let you know I saw this and have been thinking of you.

First, thank you for your prayers for me and my family. They are very needed right now. My H has not changed his mind---he is intent on getting a divorce and getting it done as fast as possible. I am trying to stay out of contact with him as much as possible, because he only gets angry and spews nastiness at me. He does see the kids some, but they tell me he is distant and moody and has a short temper. I am SLOWLY coming to accept that there is NOTHING anyone can do that will help him heal or bring him out of this. Maybe someday he will figure it out on his own. Maybe not. How sad for him.

I am so, so sorry to hear about all the struggles you are going through. I will continue to pray for you.

One thing in your post that stood out to me was you taking blame for the different methods not working. Oh, sweetie, don't do that to yourself. Were you a perfect woman? A perfect wife and mother? No. None of us are! Could we have done things differently in the past? Of course. But the choices he is making right now are NOT YOUR FAULT. I know it's normal to want to fix things, to think that if you could just find the RIGHT words or the RIGHT actions or the RIGHT method, you could fix it all and your H would come home. But the truth is what I said above about my own H---there is NOTHING you can do to fix him. God is in charge of that, but H has free will and he will have to ask God for that help and healing. Will your H ever do that? No one knows.

I repeat, there is NOTHING you can do to fix him. This is NOT YOUR FAULT. That he hasn't come home yet is NOT YOUR FAULT.

I will continue to pray for you and your family. This is a busy weekend for me, but I will check in on you whenever I can get a little computer time.

Try to do something nice for YOU this weekend, even if it's just to take a long bath with a good book (or a trashy gossip magazine!)

{{{hugs to Noah}}}