God give me the patience and the strength...2

[theotherhalf]

Okay I really feel backed against the wall here. You people are very special to me and I don't even know you. I don't know how I would have got through this last year with all your help. I thank God for each of you.

BUT....

NONE of you can judge me, my H, or my LIFE until you've lived it. I understand where you are all coming from. I know that some of what you are saying is true. In most abuse cases you are 100% right. Men/Woman do not deserve to be abused by another for any reason!!!!Domestic Violence is serious and should be stopped. I grew up in a Violent home. It was Dad getting drunk. Coming home. Mom had a terrible temper. She would hit him. Dad was never violent. Finally they divorced after 13 years. Then mom took her temper out on me. Lived that for 3 years then I left. My husband grew up in a very Violent home. His dad was an alcholic and very very violent. He used to beat the heck out of his mom. I don't think he was ever physical to the kids. But I seen some of what he did to Mom. He would get drunk and throw major fits with her. Even tear up the house. He would blacken her eyes. Leave bruises. Etc...THAT IS DOMESTIC VIOLENCE! I watch TV. I watch Lifetime Television. There are alot of serious issues out there. Alot of people in really scary situations.

THIS IS NOT ME!!!!! I agree with you...I don't deserve to be hit. For any reason. But I have never been abused by my H. By my mother? Absolutely. But never by my H. He has never flew off at me for no reason. He has never come home and just beat on me for the fun of it. He has never taken a bad day out on me. He has never. I'd say 8 out of 10 times he lost his temper with me because he got drunk and I wouldn't let him drive.

You know...I am writing this knowing that it is doing me no good. I am talking to a wall. I UNDERSTAND what you are all saying but your wrong in my sitch. You are. I don't need a shelter because there is no danger. Yes my H does need mental help for many issues. But he is not this man you are seeing through circumstances. He is not a danger to me or my girls. I don't know how to make you see and believe. And you can't unless you have been here. And NO MY girls have NEVER seen anything. They know about the other night but they also know that he has never done this before. They too know that if I would have just left it would have never went that far. They know too that this is NOT the father/uncle that they have lived with, known, loved for 16/14 years. They know that there is something very wrong with him. They feel as I do. They are angry at him, they are worried about him, they pity him. But do we fear him? NO WAY.

Thank you for caring. Thank you for trying to help. But I am just fine. I still need your support. I still want to be able to come here for your help. But I understand if you think I am a lost cause and there is no help for me. I hope that there is someone out there that can understand enough to be still here for me.

LUV,
TOH