Just to let you know, I DID create my own room. took all my stuff out of master bedroom and put it in this guest suite we have (I've been sleeping there anyway for almost a year LONG before bomb because of his VERY loud snoring -- never affected sex life).
anyway, as you can read above, he is insisting on the 2 nights overnight until he moves out (after my 3 months of therapy). again, he's never been "happier" and then (now??) he told me all the things that made him unhappy in the marriage. AS I have mentioned before, he is one of the most emotionally shut-down people I have ever known. Never would talk about issues -- hates "all things emotional". well, yesterday, he told me that I was a bee-otch (can't swear hear), even a few of his friends said so (so not true, his friends love me), I rushed him in sex (that is very true, and I wasn't interested in sex for a long time, but just did it and would want to get it over with), but the main thing is that my health issues just wore him out. (I have experienced anxiety and stomach issues for periods of time and admit I have not been fun to be around, esp. when these episodes last months at at time). The last bout started in Nov. of last year (I'm ok now). Last fall was a dark period for me emotionally with stomach issues and panic attacks. I also had one day where I though of suicide (would NEVER do this, I was just in a really bad place that day). I called my friend right away and she took me to the emergency room for an evaluation. They wouldn't admit me because after I spoke to them for a couple of hours (psychiatrist) it was ascertained that I was def. not suicidal, but because I had a chronic stomach/anxiety issue, it was making me depressed.
Well when h came home, I told him what happen and he said, "you ok?" like asking if I remembered to pick up milk at the store). I said, for now and the was the LAST time he ever brought it up. Basically he can't handle this aspect of me. When I have these bouts, I ALWAYS do everything right away to get back on track. get back into therapy, get back on proper meds, etc. I'm actually learning how to make lease episodes last shorter and shorter, I'm much better than I was 2 years ago.
Anyway, h can't handle it. I guess it all added up for him. he says there is nothing that will change his mind at this point. now I totally feel in my GUT that if the OW didn't come into his life at this moment, I wouldn't be on this board. That is NOT to say that he was happy and the OW is the cause of this, NO. but I truly believe, she is an oasis, so to speak, no problems, fun, etc. she is a symptom, the good feelings he is getting from her was enough of a catalist to make the decision to leave.
NOw I am taking TOTAL responsiblity for everything I just said about myself. Totally. I def. could have been more loving during sex and honored that need for him. I could have been kinder (I DO tend to dominate, nag and bitch), he is correct in all of that. The anxiety issue/stomach issue (which is anxiety related), I went to about 20 different doctors, did EVERYTHING I could (1st bout lasted almost a year and a half). to get better. He was NEVER there for me during whole thing, I basically had to deal with it alone. Can you imagine being physically uncomfortable EVERY DAY (stomach) for 18 months and your spouse just isn't there for you? He actually made me feel at points that I'm a "nut job" because I take Zoloft for the anxiety.
Anyway, I know this is long, but it's so sad that we didn't have these talks PRIOR to bomb and his affair. Why couldn't he takl to me THEN?? We have a life here, a 5 year old!!! I know I sound angry today, but in truth guys, I'm just so f'ing sad. I'm just so sad because I know I will apply the db stuff for me and my daughter at this point because when I DO apply them I feel better, but it really feels like I have lost him and I blame myself.
