If not an angel, then at least a DBing demi-god! Know that even if in the end I don't take your advice, you always make me stop and reconsider.
I'm trying to be an "optimistic realist" here. Maybe not quite succeeding. The optimistic side does see the progress; it's there, and it's real. The realistic side says, "I know with about 99.5% probability that the secret cellphone is being used to call the OG". The odds of it being used for anything else are just about zilch.
You are right, I do always tend to add the "but" to the good stuff. And, yes, thinking that she was probably just talking to the OG before she gets home does create some tension, making it hard to greet her with the same enthusiasm that I otherwise might.
I call it a "confrontation", and that's what it will be, but I think that if I do it right, I can do it in a way that it doesn't degenerate into a complete blowup. I can and would be calm. Actually, I think that my W might be less likely to pull this crap if I'd get angrier about it - she doesn't see that there could be real consequences for it. I'll do it as lovingly as possible, and try to stress the effect her lies and continued OG contact have on the M and our recovery, and try to de-personalize it. The hardest part would be the ultimatum. It's pretty hard to deliver that in a way that seems loving. I don't know. Still haven't made a final decision about it.
Brian, I hope you get your 3 little words. They are really BIG words to us though aren't they.
I thought think things are going well, but I am in a panic today. My H left for work alittle early today, to get the car washed & get fix a flat, I noticed on my way home today that someone screwed a screw in our tire, it was in a place where you couldn't have run it over, I think it happened when H was at work (we have a garage) So you know who I'm thinking did it. (wouldn't surprise me) I tried to call my H cell phone I just had a sick feeling (maybe it's just me) I could tell h was on the phone because it makes a beep when it rings because your calling on the other line. H didn't answer & I didn't leave a message & when h didn't call back after 15 min. I tried again(I couldn't help myself) H was still on the phone & didn't answer, well this time I left a message, not nasty but I made it known that I knew h was on the phone with someone & that I didn't know who h could be talking to, & also that I wanted to remind h to bring something home. H called back shortly, said h didn't hear the whole message so I told h what I had said, h didn't comment on who h was talking to. So now I have been driving myself crazy all day. Any thoughts, I hope you can make me feel better, or tell me what you think I should do I am so afraid that I'm going to blow it & it could be absolutely nothing & my fear getting the best of me. Somedays I just can't take it (like today) I just so want to throw in the towel because I can't bear to deal w all over again. I know i'm rambling I'm so sorry. I hope you & your family have a great day tomorrow & you have a wonderful Father's Day, you deserve it. ~~K~~
Hey, it sounds like maybe you've reached the rejected-OP-turns-psycho-evil stage. That's GOT to be a good thing. A little scary, maybe, but if it was her that flattened your tire, it most likely means that she's realizing that your H is not coming back to her, and she's pi**ed off. The only effect she's going to have is to make your H realize even more that he made the right decision to stick with you and he'll be thanking God tonight that you took him back.
If it was her on the phone, your H was probably just trying to reason with her and get her to leave you guys alone. I know it's driving you nuts, but the way I see it, this whole episode is probably a good thing, not a bad thing. Believe me, the psycho-b****-from-hell act is NOT attractive, and she won't succeed in getting your H back.
You have a nice Father's Day too. Relax, and be nice to your H. He'll appreciate it.
Brian, THANKS! I sure hope your right. I will try to think positively. What I don't understand is why h wouldn't answer the phone? I guess there's probably alot of things I don't understand. Thanks again. ~~K~~
Brian, Hi thought I'd just drop in & see how your day went? Did you have a nice time w your family, I hope all went well.
My H came home after work last night & we did our usual but I couldn't help but ask why h didn't answer h phone. H stated h was talking to the other head chef at work. I left it at that because for all of that time h didn't call h only that one call & (I think it was 2 min.) So I decided to give the benifit of the doubt. I also mentioned the tire & how it was in such a strange place h stated h didn't think anyone would have done that maybe coming up the driveway did it (gravel) we have trouble w it. Then h stated the only one who could of did it would be the OW, but that was not like h. I made no commment. How does h know? You know what I mean? Like you said s p***** & maybe gone alittle pycho. Oh ,well I'm not going to worry about.
They a really short handed at my H's job, & h mentioned me going down & working the daylight shift as a hostess. Which is fine w me. I feel like even though we would be working opposite shifts I would be more likely to know if anything was going on. Well i'm sure I have bored you enough. Have a good night. ~~K~~
It's nice to see that there are some good things happening for you. Keep up all the good work. It seems like the cellphone thing continues to gwaw at your PMA, but you're doing a great job in a very difficult situation. Are you doing anything for yourself these days to keep your mind occupied and positive?
Father's Day was excellent. Started off badly, though. I had a terrible time trying to sleep on Saturday night, kept thinking about the upcoming cellphone confrontation, how to handle it, trying to think of all the things she could say, and how I would react to them, etc. The calls (presumably) to the OG had been continuing at a rate of about 25 minutes/day.
The only time I could drift off to sleep a bit was when I cuddled up close to her, or when she would sleep with her head on my chest. That helped calm me down, and I tried (probably unsuccessfully) not to act as needy as I felt.
After the alarm went off at 5:30 (we wanted to make sure that we got a good spot at the lake), I hugged her, and told her that I love her. I wasn't expecting any response; she hasn't said she loved me since January. But she whispered back, "I love you, too". Whoa, what was that? In my sleepy state, I wasn't sure that I heard her right, so I asked her what she said, and she repeated it. Wow, does that feel good.
We had a great day jetskiing with the boys at the lake. The weather was perfect, low 90s. Didn't get back until just before dusk, exhausted, and went to bed very early. Slept great (what a difference an ILY can make, eh?). Woke up, had fantastic sex, and ate breakfast together. Great stuff. Between yesterday and this morning, we've talked lots about future plans - that's always very reassuring, especially when she initiates that sort of conversation. She suggested I take the 25th off so that we can spend the day together. Yes, I think I will.
I'm feeling more confident now. It seems that whenever we can spend significant time together, she responds well and enjoys it. Other than this coming weekend, when I'll be on a long-planned golf outing, we'll be spending quite a bit of time together (relatively speaking).
So, the confrontation about the cellphone will have to wait, indefinitely. It's still going to bug me, no doubt. I won't have true peace until I know that the A is really totally over, but given all that happened yesterday and today, I can handle the situation the way it is, for now.
How was your Father's Day? I hope you were able to relax and have a nice time.
If you saw my last post, I had a great day. But even as I sit here, my W is off running a bunch of errands that will take her several hours. She'll have ample time to use that secret cellphone, if she wants, so of course I'm a little stressed out about it. It's so hard to trust the progress that we make. It's not like I can't see that very clear progress has been made. My W may have become a very good liar, but I know that there are certain things that she would not have done or said if she didn't intend to stay with me. Still, every time she goes out by herself in her car, I have a little panic attack, thinking that she's calling him again (which, of course, she might be). But there are even some times when I have these bad thoughts when she simply goes into another room alone. It's stupid, and I get PO'd at myself that I can't just intellectualize them away. You and I both need to find a way to relax when these studpid little panic attacks come. Any thoughts?
Are you going to take the hostess job? Would it just be a temporary thing, or more permament? Hope your day is going well.
Quote: So, the confrontation about the cellphone will have to wait, indefinitely.
excellent!!!!!
Quote: I won't have true peace until I know that the A is really totally over,
and does the cell phone have total bearing for you as to whether or not the a is really over??
Quote: given all that happened yesterday and today, I can handle the situation the way it is,
excellent!! focus on the positive!!
Quote: for now.
doh! (said in a homer simpson fashion) isn't that the equivelant of a BUT?? ejoy what is and try not to worry about what will be or wont be...just as you couldn't sleep well sat night because you were thinking the possible confrontation over the cell phone...try to practice thought stopping...instead of dwelling in the what isn't or the this is good enough for now..relish in the days that are good and focus on the positive!!
(I kinda think that's my new motto...focus on the positive!)
Thanks for the note. How are you doing in your situation? Any updates?
You are right. I do need to do more for myself to keep my mind occupied and positive. It's a little hard because I want to spend every moment that I can with my W. However, this weekend I'm going on a golf trip to Palm Springs with some buddies. It's an annual thing we do, taking advantage of great prices to play 36 holes a day on some great courses (albeit, playing in the deadly heat). That will be a good opportunity to take a little time off from the R stress, and I'm looking forward to it.
