So nice of you to be looking out for me. I know that they have had a sexual relationship. I mentioned casually when she was here that "we will both now need to accept that we have had other sexual partners" and she agreed - so she tacitly admitted to having a PA. I had a one night stand with a girl shortly after discovering OM - I was so hurt and angry and 100% convinced that my M was over that I felt I had nothing to lose and literally made myself "move on". Now I deeply regret it which is why I was honest with her.
I agree that an STD test will be necessary for mutual assurance. I was protected but I would do it simply to assure her and I would want at least one month to pass before we resumed a physical relationship (that would be tough for me but I can manage it). No point in playing Russian Roulette with one's life.
On the other hand, it does seem that she is edging back into the M but I have no expectations and accept it could be a false start. The only reason I am hanging in there with this M is that I know I'm getting what I deserved with the way I treated her. It's the lingering emotional attachment to OM that I will be most concerned about in the event of a reconciliation - not the fact that she has fooled around during the separation. The lingering attachment as you know can prevent a successful reconciliation.
It just bothers me so much that she is taking this man on a weekend getaway all the while talking reconciliation, future plans, me taking her surname into mine (she gave me the forms), buying the apartment that her Dad lives in so he always has a place to live, another holiday next week to the Baltics. We even went out last weekend to choose a birthday gift for her. Madness. In your experience can letting go of OP be a process rather than an event? This behaviour just seems so jumbled and messed up - perhaps typical of a WAS. I actually have great compassion for her and OM, mixed in with the anger and betrayal.
I don't want to disclose to her that I have these access details as I want to be able to continue snooping (as twisted as that sounds). The reason is that I want to know how honest she is being with me.
You are very very generous is sharing your experience and the insights that you've gleaned Saffie. I have to say this is so much appreciated.
Me: 46 W: 46 T: 23 M: 20 DS12 DD11 DS5
W left: 01/28/08 Discovered OM: 02/26/08 W back for 9 days: 04/08 W returned 05/21/08 EA/PA - 01/08-07/09 W's MLC 2008-2014 (realised this much later)
