Letter from WAW after she flew to my city for talk

[saffie]

OK - so you shouldn't have been looking at her flight details. Telling her you were is going to get her upset.

I know it is very hard - I would want to call her on this so badly. Having said that, my head tells me that if you want this to work you should keep quiet about this knowledge, and then when she comes back to you sit on it until she starts to open up about everything. Then see what she says. It's pretty easy to ask someone casually if they had a good weekend and what did they get up to. If she doesn't give you a straight answer immediately I would just bide your time and let her relax and have a chance to open up. It can take quite a while before a returning wayward spouse feels comfortable enough to open up about things. They often fear that opening up will just drive a greater wedge between you. They find it hard to understand that sometimes, even though the knowledge hurts, you just need to know things so you feel the returing spouse is being open and honest. The amount of detail required by the cheated on spouse is personal and varies in each situation. I needed to know everything and once my H realised the importance of that he did open up completely. It can take time though.

On a more practical note, if there is a chance she has been intimate with OM you do need to protect yourself physically - no unprotected sex and she should go and get STD tested- I consider that standard practice. It's one thing to play around with your emotions; it is another thing entirely to play around with your life.