If not an angel, then at least a DBing demi-god! Know that even if in the end I don't take your advice, you always make me stop and reconsider.
I'm trying to be an "optimistic realist" here. Maybe not quite succeeding. The optimistic side does see the progress; it's there, and it's real. The realistic side says, "I know with about 99.5% probability that the secret cellphone is being used to call the OG". The odds of it being used for anything else are just about zilch.
You are right, I do always tend to add the "but" to the good stuff. And, yes, thinking that she was probably just talking to the OG before she gets home does create some tension, making it hard to greet her with the same enthusiasm that I otherwise might.
I call it a "confrontation", and that's what it will be, but I think that if I do it right, I can do it in a way that it doesn't degenerate into a complete blowup. I can and would be calm. Actually, I think that my W might be less likely to pull this crap if I'd get angrier about it - she doesn't see that there could be real consequences for it. I'll do it as lovingly as possible, and try to stress the effect her lies and continued OG contact have on the M and our recovery, and try to de-personalize it. The hardest part would be the ultimatum. It's pretty hard to deliver that in a way that seems loving. I don't know. Still haven't made a final decision about it.