Why Can't I DB the right way??

[JoieDeVivre]

Water,
You're not the only one has ever gone anti-DB on their sitch! We've all done it. After all, we're only human, not super human, and the situations we're in are so complicated. Don't beat yourself up.

I also went into the pursuing/calling in a panic mode when I couldn't reach H. It's like some alien takes over your mind and once it gets going, you just can't stop ... you can't stop your thoughts or your actions. So many times I remember telling myself, DON'T CALL, YOU WILL NOT CALL, DON'T CALL, YOU WILL NOT CALL, but most of the time I did.

If it was for naught, I would apologize to my H. I would explain why I did what I did, he always seemed to understand. If your H understands, too, he will try to call you when he can. And certainly in his type of job, he will not be able to respond to you so be prepared for that.

Come and post here when that alien tries to overtake you! However, if it's in the middle of the night, there may not be any one here, except for the folks over in the UK, perhaps!

Again, just apologize to your H -- but don't overdo it. And don't beat yourself up over it. Forgive yourself and move on!

Joie

[water2moon]

Thanks for asking Corey..it's a bumpy road but I haven't gotten off just yet.

[water2moon]

Sorry Puppy but I have to disagree on that Intel GPS thing. If I did that I would feel even crazier and H would surely think I'd gone over the deep end. I've decided to call a dr tomorrow and tell them about my anxiety and panic attacks and how I can't seem to focus on anything. For 3 months I've done nothing but talk about his damned affair and i'm getting tired of it.I'm sure my friends and family are as well..Perhaps I'm in need of some meds or something to help me cope? I spent the entire evening crying and I'm not even sure why exactly. School starts up again for me and I need to focus on that. But I feel so weak right now. My big obstacles tonight were H's schedule. He told me when he would be workign overtiome later this month. There were 3 days. 2 of those days the OW is off. She works for FDNY as an EMT as well but different station.So right away I assume he won't be workign but will be with her.Need to stop this..And I don't want to push him out but I know he's going to see her as the better option if I don't stop soon.

[lodo]

Hey water,

We all deal with things differently. In my sitch, my WAW has completely partitioned off her emotions and is focusing solely on work. I'm a wreck but am getting better. I just think about things all the time and my mind spins, I'm getting nothing done - and that's going on 6 months. So don't beat yourself up because you're an emotional person but try to figure out what you need to move on.

I don't know personally, but I've known a LOT of people who've taken meds and they say they help.

And yes, you've got to get past it, for your own sanity.

lodo

[Starshyne]

I have been working hard on keeping my cool and not being overly emotional right now. It is totally the hardest thing I have ever tried to do. I am emotional. I have cried easily my whole life. And right now I actually have something to cry about and I am trying to hard not to cry. Maybe you feel the same way?

I hope you are having a nice weekend...

Sara

[karen43]

I've decided to call a dr tomorrow and tell them about my anxiety and panic attacks and how I can't seem to focus on anything. For 3 months I've done nothing but talk about his damned affair and i'm getting tired of it.I'm sure my friends and family are as well..Perhaps I'm in need of some meds or something to help me cope? I spent the entire evening crying and I'm not even sure why exactly.

I think meds might be a good idea to help you out. My doctor says Prozac (what I've been taking) also helps with panic attacks as well. An AD will probably also help you to stop crying as much and obsessive R thoughts. I've been taking them since about a month or so after all this mess started, and in addition with therapy and GAL I think the meds were important to help me out. Karen

[water2moon]

Thanks Karen, Hopefully he gives me something..I can't believe how I get..I don't recognize myself anymore..So last night H calls me to tell me that OW sent him numerous texts and then called him in his EMS truck. So you see even if he changes his cell it will make no difference, she can still call him at work. Her texts were plain crazy though and he did save them to show me this morning. She tells him she's fine and he can't hurt her anymore. then the next one she curses him out, the one after that she writes Call me NOW. So when he didn't call she called him. He says he told her that they can no longer talk and I hope he's being honest but I'm so scared that he'll go back..However i'm tired of the "What if's" I imagine all the worst case scenarios including the possibility that she'll call one day saying she's pregant( my worst nightmare)
I'm really trying to be patient and lovingly detach..But I want my husband to love ME! Not her anymore..I feel defeated at times yet I have to hold my head high..I feel like I let her win when i act this way. I want her to be the crazy one in his eyes, not me.

[Starshyne]

I'm really trying to be patient and lovingly detach..But I want my husband to love ME! Not her anymore..I feel defeated at times yet I have to hold my head high..I feel like I let her win when i act this way. I want her to be the crazy one in his eyes, not me.

I totally could have written that myself. Even though my H has no contact with the OW, I know that he still has love for her. I hate that. But we must hold our head high and keep looking to improve ourselves. Crying and carrying on isn't going to do that. I was proud of myself that today when talking to H I was crying, but I wasn't sobbing uncontrollably and was able to talk to him in a calm matter and not start ranting and raving too much (I did a little, but the points I made were valid). That is a step in the right direction for me. I think you are making steps in the right direction as well water...keep working at it.

Sara

[Sugar and Spice]

W2M, everyone has moments where they can't always DB perfectly. I am the poster child for not doing it right, but if you fall, then pick yourself up, dust yourself off and try again.

If you think that meds might help, then talk to your Dr. Do things for you, and try not to focus so much on him. You can ONLY control yourself. When you lose sight of you, then the battle is just that much harder. You can do this. Have faith in yourself.

I am living your worst nightmare, the OW in my sitch is pregnant and I'm not sure what is going to happen, but I'm learning patience and self control and figuring out the things about myself I like and don't like and things that I am willing to tolerate and not. I always said that if I ever found out my H was cheating that I would just be done. I now know that when faced with a situation, that is easier said than done. I don't know what the future will hold, but I do know that whatever happens I will be ok and that the changes I have made and am making may be born of a bad situation, but will only benefit me in the end, no matter what.

You are going to be ok too and you can do this. Decide what it is you want, and make it happen for yourself. You are worth it and so are your DD's.

[water2moon]

Well i saw my doctor..he precribed Xanax for when i feel an anxiety attack coming on and Lexapro for depression. But my insurance denied the Lexapro and now i'm waiting on the doc to prescribe something else..I am a wreck!! Don't know how to do this anymore..Maybe it's my imagination but after my H had contact with OW again Saturday night he seems to have withdrawn from me again..He blames me and says that he's getting tired of my accusations and questions. However prior to his contact with her he was more patient and understanding..I need to detach now..it hurts so bad casue the only think I want is to have my husband back and be intimate again..i miss it so much I feel like i'm going insane..I need to keep myself busy..and I know what i need to do but I'm having the hardest time Cause I have no patience and my worrying is driving me nuts..I'm sure you're all tired of reading me complain all the time..i just feel so lost..I need to get stronger..