Can you "accidentally" be there doing a 180 or GAL activity while he is working on the bathroom?? So maybe when he came over to fix the bathroom, you could leave some muffins out with a note that said, "Hey,thanks for fixing the bathroom!! you are such a great helper!!
Good ideas T - thanks for motivating me to think about it some more. I think leaving sexy underwear on the floor of the bathroom is too obvious, and too much baking maybe a bit mothering and not nearly as mysterious as I want to be. Hmmm.... maybe new sexy underwear hanging on the clothes line to dry might be good, and maybe a bottle of wine to thank him?! The baking might work, as long as it wasnt like I had gone too much out of my way to help him. H definitely used to appreciate when I would make him lunch or breakfast.... but never appreciated all the housework or dinners I cooked (men!!?!)
Any other suggestions would be welcome! Definitely need to work on being more sexy and mysterious as a 180 I think... I've made a few changes around the house (which H has already noticed) - it might be nice to buy a new bedspread cover and make the bedroom fresh and new. I will work on this.
I think I have a couple of weeks to get ready before the work on the bathroom will commence!
No - working my butt off! Which is good! The downside is that I work so hard all week and then am exhausted by the weekend and tend to get lonely cause I haven't had time to prepare fun GAL activities.
But surprisingly I'm feeling really good about myself again. So much more like H is missing out on me rather than the other way around. I wish I could figure out what made me be sad and then what made me be happy! I'm riding my own emotional roller coaster and I'm blindfolded!!!
Originally Posted By: One Day
In the meantime, I wouldn't ask him what he's up to (I never ask my H what he's doing), but just mention the super-fun things you're doing in a general way.
That's good advice I will stick to that!
Also its true about the GAL-ing - the more you do the better you feel and then its an upward spiral.
Originally Posted By: One Day
Some days CEO is speaking to me and telling me about wanting kids, and I wonder if it would be easier to cut my losses.
OD your H must be a pretty amazing guy for you not to be slightly tempted by CEO cause CEO sounds pretty HOT!
The baby thing is at its worst when I don't feel satisfied in my work.... like I would like to have a baby to get away from the stress of work! (I know its stupid but its true!). And yeah I can only imagine having H's babies at the moment, so I have to be patient. The baby thing was an issue for us because babies scare the crap out of H - which is something to do with his responsibility MLC issues. He would make such a great Dad. When I get my R sorted with H I'm going to be a baby making machine, churning them out at a fast pace!! Ha ha!!
I'm going to NZ next week and I will see all my best friends who have lots of little gorgeous babies, so I'm preparing myself to have to face the baby issue again... actually normally its good to see the babies and how harassed the mothers look and to realize that my life is wonderful and I get to sleep in on the weekends and I don't have to clean dirty little finger prints off all the furniture!
Oh well if I cant have babies at least I can buy myself lots of new shoes (I bough two gorgeous pairs this week!!)
Hot new shoes! I love it!! Just like I love the evil baby machine plan. (I am rubbing my hands together and cackling an evil laugh as I say that!!)
Have a great time in NZ. When do you fly? I would love to visit NZ one day- maybe T and I could arrange a trip together and visit you too? That would be fun!!
Ahhh, CEO. He IS tempting. That is the problem with him (if he was ugly and mean it'd be easy to find him disgusting!!). Did you see what he wrote in the e-mail to me on Thursday? Dangerous. Maybe I'll keep him as a back-up in case I can't pull H away from the aubergine. Ha ha ha (another evil laugh!!)
((((Essie))))
Walk on, walk on, with hope in your heart. And you'll never walk alone.
Have had more contact with H this week - 2 phone calls and a text message. I made one phone call, he made 1 and sent a text, so I think I'm maybe getting insy winsy baby steps!! The good thing is that there is less and less tension (on my part anyway) with each phone call. I cant remember what we really talked about, I dont think I did any spectacular DB-moves.
One of the phone calls was H telling me that he is still paying my health insurance - which used up my last good excuse to call him. He doesn't want me to pay him back - is that just guilt? Or maybe a tiny bit of still wanting to look after me??
For some reason I keep referring to things as 'ours'. Like "our house' - instead of 'my house'. Its a bit weird because I do think of it as being 'my' house, but when I'm talking to him it seems more natural to say 'our'. I think saying 'my' is better DB-ing.
I ended one conversation by saying that we should catch up when I get back from NZ. And H said "Yeah - Give me a call when you get back". Not sure if I'm actually going to call him, or if I should suggest meeting up for a drink?!?! Will see how I feel closer to the time.
Yay on the baby steps! Did H sound happy when you were speaking to him? I think uping the frequency of interaction is great, and is really good that you're feeling less tense each time.
I'm not sure what the meaning of him paying for the insurance is, but either way it's good, right?
Have a FAB time in NZ. I can't wait to hear about it when you get back!
((((hugs))))
L.xx
Walk on, walk on, with hope in your heart. And you'll never walk alone.
It has been a while since we've communicated and I'm glad I found you again. It took a bit to catch up, but I'm pretty well versed in your sitch now.
I would echo One Day's assessment that H is taking some baby steps back to you. As I've painfully learned, any movement needs to be considered as a positive step in the right direction.
For me, if I get any interaction w/ my W that isn't negative or angry, it is a positive. So for you, the fact that H is reaching out to you has to be a good sign.
The thing that SUCKS about this DBing is the amount of time it takes for any of us to reach our goals of saving our relationships. I can completely understand now why people give up and give in to D, but I won't be one of them and neither will any of us on this board.
Have a great time in New Zealand. I'll look forward to hearing from you when you get back as you'll be recharged and rested and ready to keep fighting forward.
Had a great trip to NZ. Did lots of good work, and also got to hang out with my best girl friends.
I also went to see my MIL - she cried the whole time, I guess its still emotional for her. And she dropped hints about how she hoped that we would still get back together. And it didn't bother me either way - I guess a good sign that I'm detached. I just gave very non-committal answers and said that I'm sure H would be OK (MIL is very worried that he's coping badly). I was happy, laughing and telling her about all the cool things I've been doing. So I think good DB-ing?!?
Another interesting thing was I went out with one of my girlfriends to a nice bar, and we met up with some of her friends. A bit of an eye opener for me as they are men-eaters - on the prowl for men and playing the game. One of her friends is having an affair with a married man, which kind of made me feel sick - she's young and hot and its just a joke to her, but I know the other side of the story, and how it has to end badly for all 3 people..... hmmm
No contact from H. This week we may have contact about the bathroom renovations. I'm having mixed feelings about seeing him under such circumstances - I will try and not be too awkward around him, but I know it will be hard.....
Also I've been thinking that I still love H, but I'm not sure that I could respect him again. Not sure I respected him before all this either.... maybe I was trying to control / change him because he just wasn't what I needed in a husband?!? I cant remember anymore and I cant determine what was real and what was just my perception of the relationship.
In 4 months we will we be able to get divorced. Will H wait until then before starting to make steps back towards me?!? I guess I'm just waiting to see what the next 4 months hold and the n I think I 'm ready to move on and meet someone new.
In 4 months we will we be able to get divorced. Will H wait until then before starting to make steps back towards me?!? I guess I'm just waiting to see what the next 4 months hold and the n I think I 'm ready to move on and meet someone new.
I have the same feeling. We have 6 months to go and I still get the idea that she is playing that game too. She never talks about D. She has not since she left. But you are right. The respect thing will be a hard obstacle to overcome. I see all of her flaws and selfish tendencies. Like you I have nothing but time to think about things like this. I guess I will be/should be prepared when D day comes.
essie, thank you so much for posting on my thread! I am so glad to hear that you're doing so well, and I will come back and post more, I have to run and get ready to meet with a tutoring student.
