I don't know if I'm going to be able to follow through on my earlier decision to wait until the end of the month to confront my W about her "secret" cellphone. I'm not sure that it makes sense to wait, and I'm just getting angry and driving myself crazy over it. She has used the phone another 104 minutes in the last 3 days, including 45 minutes yesterday (she was supposedly out running errands, including buying a Fathers Day gift for me. Aw, thanks hon). I'm pretty sure that all of those minutes are talking to the OG. I thought I could handle it, as long as she isn't seeing him (Mostly, I still continue to think that she isn't, but I'm losing faith in that, too). But I don't know now. It's eating at me, continuously. Since I found that I could track her cell minutes 3 days ago, she has been talking to him every day. They've probably spent more time talking than she and I have.
I wanted this to be her decision, without pressure from me. Maybe that's just a fantasy though. I'm beginning to think that she won't stop talking to him ever, and that our M would be doomed because she would always be holding on to a piece of the A, so that the next time we hit a bump in our M (and there are always bumps along the way), she'd be gone. I can't sit around waiting for the other shoe to drop.
To this point, I've avoided giving her ultimatums. I've strongly hinted that if I ever found out that she slept with him again, that I would kick her out of the house. But I've been careful to not say it explicitly. And while I've tried to tell her (often) how much it would hurt me and our M if I found out that she was still talking to him, I've never threatened to kick her out because of it. But I think I'm getting to the point that I just can't stand any more lies, and I can't keep putting in the effort I make every day fighting off the doubts and bad feelings, and trying to be happy. I'm tired. I think I'm quickly getting to the point of being ready to issue an ultimatum, and mean it.
What if I do? She will most likely agree to it. But she hates it when I try to control her (she's always been rebelious, and she has "control" issues stemming from her relationship with her father), even if what I demand is completely reasonable (e.g., not being in contact with the OG). As I see it, there are 3 main possible outcomes:
1. She continues the contacts, being even more devious about it. Inevitably, I found out about it sooner or later, forcing my hand. I kick her out of the house and let everyone know what is going on. Do we divorce? Who knows?
2. She doesn't contact him anymore, for awhile. She resents me for it, misses him too much, and eventually, restarts the A. I find out about it, etc.
3. She doesn't contact him anymore, and reinvests herself in our M.
Which one would it be? I honestly don't know. I really do feel like we've made a lot of progress, and it seems that whenever we are able to spend a significant amount of time together, that we can really have fun and reconnect. But our schedules don't allow for a lot of time together, and what little time we do have competes with the time she spends talking to him. I'm more competitive than most, but I'm tired of this competition.
My new plan is to confront her sometime next week, after Fathers Day, and let the chips fall where they may. I'll be calm, choose my words carefully, and let her know that I still love her. But enough is enough, and it's time for her to make her final decision.
