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[SuperDad]

My previous thread locked

I wanted to reply to a few of the comments here:

I wonder if things would have worked out differently for me if I could have stayed cool, like you did. But then, read your sitch, and realize that this is so much about them and so little to do with us.

Donna,
First nice to hear from you and to see that you are gaining perspective on the sitch and strength in yourself.

The second part is the key to it all. Once you realize that your S's MLC is not about you, but about them, the rest gets much easier. In my case, unfortunately, I have come to the conclusion that I do not want to be married to my W, regardless of what she does. Not sure if I really want to be married at all. I will say that the staying cool is a lot easier when you are just trying to find a peaceful end to the whole thing and not trying to somehow save an unsalvageable M.

Sorry to hear about your FIL. What you did for your children was priceless. This was a gift that they will take with them and remember always. Besides that, just your being there brought them a sense of security in all of this that they may not have had if they had to go through this without you. You did great!

Bethie, I have to say that I was really torn at first. I was not sure if me being at the funeral would be a distraction or a good thing. I actually called my mom the night before FIL died and asked her what she thought. She basically said that a gesture of kindness in such a time whould be graciously accepted and appreciated. But that I am a grown man and have to make my own decisions. This completely put it all into perspective.

My MIL was so glad that I came and brought the kids that now any other decision seems to have been inconceivable. During the funeral, S7 sat next to MIL and comforted her with hugs whenever she broke down. It was amazing. I am so glad I chose the "Path with Heart"!

Man, I do not envy your position. Loosing a father can have some very strange rammifications on women. She is no longer Daddy's little girl and that can manifest itself in some crazy ways. Hope for the best here, mon capitan, but lash yourself to the helm anyway! Could be a week, could be a month or two, but given your W's already precarious mental state, I would not want to be at ground zero.

Hi Chris!
Not sure how I would tell the difference to be honest, she is already unable to deal with reality. Maybe OM can help her sort it out? She knows where to find me if she needs me, but in the end she has to figure out her own life for herself.

I do know the relationship dynamics between my W and her father had a lot to do with her delamination. She had a lot of baggage from that and I was the unfortuante recipient of much of the fall-out.

I have thought about this in the past, but don't really know. They may have some skeletons in the closet, but W has never said anything significant to me.

I am sorry to hear about FIL. That is great that you have detached from your situation to where you can be there for your kids and W's family.

Thanks AG. Like I said to Bethie, it was a good thing that I am glad I did.

And to all a good night!

SD