Wow, you are really getting it on all fronts. Certainly a stressful situation, and I wish you well. Other people can't make us feel anything; we control our feelings. If you W friend gets to you, that is something you are doing to yourself. Examine your reaction--what is it about her being nasty that bothers you? Why can't you let it roll off of you? Note: I am not intending to be mean sounding in my post. Rather, I see moments like these interactions as chances to step back and watch ourselves. If we do so, hopefully we will learn about ourselves. It may take a while, but I do believe we can use these hard moments for our own good.
I wish you well at the L office. I haven't gotten that far yet, but I feel that would be a hard meeting indeed. It has a sense, I suspect, of creating a feeling of finality that we are at best uncomfortable about and at worst just don't want to believe is really happening--our M may be over. Keep us updated, and hang in there. You are doing fine.
We had a long talk this morning about her friend coming down, her friend denied what she had said but my W probabily mixed up all the words and made it sound to her advantage.
We also talked about getting on Med's for depression issues and she said she would go to my Psyc with me and discuss.
I really need to watch my reactions, this is something I need to work on. Sometimes my mouth goes off way to fast.
I told her this morning that I was very concerned for her and cared for her well being very much. That is the truth.
I know it's hard when the responses you get are sarcastic or evasive. I've learned (and mostly do) to just say something like "okey dokey" (not so much a man's phrase possibly) when I get something like this. Or if I got no response, I might ask if he was feeling quiet just so I knew he heard. I tended to limit the latter b/c for the most part I knew he did hear me. The trick is in letting it go. I know it's hard. It's not something I have to deal with currently and while these things seemed to work ok for me, you may need to modify them or use something completely differnt for you.
Our communication was not good this morn. She was not listening to a word i said and kept saying she wanted to get the D going. She seems to do anything she can to get me upset. I am not getting upset anymore, maybe excited but not visibily upset.
These are tough times and we have a L appiontment next week which is adding a lot of pressure.
Quite evening. We all went to S12 soccer game. I asked W if we could have a nice night for the kid and she agreed. All was well until we dropped himoff at the dance and then she started landing on me about the L appointment next Wednesday. I think she is getting very nervous. So much for a quite night.
Tree you are doing a great job of detaching and not taking her bait. I know how hard it is. Keep doing it - some times it comes easily and then other times its much harder.... Does she give any indication that she is noticing a difference in you? Hey, tell me what are some of your GAL activities that you are going to work on this weekend? xx
She can't help but notice but she is still blaming me for every issue in the world and she can not get past it. I am doing great at not taking the bait but I gotta tell ya I am getting worn down. Just tired of being treated like crap. I played golf with buddies this morning and had a great time. Played three times last week. Also hangin with kids at sporting events. I am sorry to say but I really think it is over. She wants no part of me. We have a big meeting at the lawyers Wednesday. She is a dead set on moving ahead with the D.
Sorry to hear it's been a continued rough road, but I think it's great you got some space and spent a little time with friends. Seems like it helps you to have a bit of a change of scene and to be around people who enjoy you and help you feel good about yourself. If your W. is really holding on to her anger and continuing with the drinking and all that abusive talk to you, it makes me think that space from her at this time may be healthier for both of you. I know that is very, very hard, but it is hard to see how things could shift while she is still in this kind of place with her anger.
Anyway, I'm thinking of you buddy. Hope you have an okay weekend.
They are ALWAYS dead set on going ahead with the Divorce, it is their way of controlling the situation. So, don't take the bait. Call her bluff. Let her know that this isn't what you want but you will be forced by your attorney to file for joint custody of the children, therfore lowering her child support and spousal support. You do not plan on leaving the family home, but will be more then happy to help her to move into her own apartment and have half of the furnishings from the family home. That you hope the two of you can work through the Divorce amicably for the sake of the children.
Don't flinch.
There can be no testimony without a test. I am praying to go through this test and come out the other end with a new and better marriage then before.
I like Brand New Day's advice. If she wants the D, you go along but insist on your full rights with kids, house, money, etc. She's used to being in control here; you exercise some control, and the dynamic changes. Granted, she may still want the D. But if so you are going to get what is rightfully yours.
Yes, it's hard to contemplate the end of our M. We never expected it, and we don't want it. Yet it may well happen. At times like this I ask myself if I really want to be with the person I think my W is right now, and the answer is "No." Yet I confess there is a little part of me, and it does thankfully keep getting smaller, that imagines she could be someone different than who she is now and who she was. I needed to change, but I believe she needs to as well. I wonder if you are in the same spot--not liking what you see from her, but somewhere in you is a little voice, or a thought, that thinks there is a way out of this mess but you haven't found it yet.
