have discussed some of my readings of David Deida with W as it is something I know she would be interestedin.
Are you sure you want to give away your secrets here? I guess if it were me, I would not discuss how I use to be and was learning from this book. Kind of kills it, wouldn't you think? Just my 2 cents. Maybe she would like to but I think part of the "mystery" would be for her not to know the source of your changes for the better! It's kind of like a woman giving her man a book where she learned all her charming ways and how to use them on her H. If he read it, then when he saw this in her, he might think, "Oh, she's just using some of that stuff in that book".
As a rule, I never kept anything from my H, but many years ago a popular book was written about how women could become the "Total Woman" with their H's by doing all these wonderful things. One of those things was to dress up in "costumes" to welcome him home and to excite him. Some were pretty sexy, so usually I would have to have the children spending the night with the grandparents. It was great until I ordered the tape and he insisted to listen to it. I really objected to it, but he did anyway, and sure enough....it just wasn't the same with the cosutme bit anymore. He liked the other attention, but it seem to kind of kill that part as though he thought I was following an assignment or something.
You did good about keeping your cool over the phone bill. I don't know that I could have controlled my anger, so once again, I'm proud of you. To top even that.....you go and do something really sweet and surprise her! Man, are you something!
Back to the discussion my son had with me about growing into a man. He did not get ugly with me, b/c he never has shown disrespect, but he did say it in a firm enough way that I knew he meant business and that I was not going to do any good by challenging him or nagging him about it. I may not have liked the changes at first, but the rough edges smoothed off and now, I think he is just as great as he was as a little boy. You will have to be firm with your mother. You don't have to raise you voice or get into verbal fight, but tell her firmly that she will have to accept the changes in you b/c she really has no choice if she wants to be a happy part of your life.
The wife sleeping....or rather not sleeping with you in the bed with her. I have had a bad back for many years and surround myself with pillows. Some behind me and some in front of me. As her tummy grows, she will learn to place a pillow in front (if she lays on her side) to brace the weight. She will place one next to her back for support. She may toss and turn until she feels she is distrubing your rest. Although, if you two slept back to back, you could actually help support her laying against her back.....your back to her back. It sounds like she is wanting you, but maybe not quite sure.......I think you are probably right.
Now Steve, sweetie, when I told you not to set yourself up for disappointment, I did not mean for you to allow yourself to have a good time! So, you go on your trip and make the most of it, okay? Just don't think it will do some miracle (that is setting yourself up for hurt), but enjoy it as it comes. Just relax and try to stay upbeat. Let it come naturally.
Just one more word of caution tonight, back to telling your wife about the book from David that you are reading, be careful not to get back to talking about your changes......let her just see them. When you discuss how much you are changing, I'm concerned that it will appear kind of "needy" or "clingy" again. Something to think about. No large slip, so don't go jump off the entire mountain....lol.
Take care.
Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
