Boy are you right. About a lot. You are right when you warn me to be good b/c I get these urges (like I said, my emotions are all out of whack) to do things right in the moment but I always react without thinking when I do that.
And I am in a lot of denial I think. B/C if I completely, objectively looked at what H has done to me over the past year (and at other times over the past ten), there is no reason I should want him in my life other than as the father of my children. At least, not without A LOT of work on his part. Work on himself that he needs to do before he can work on us.
That is why I want to tell S now. Because even though I wish/want/desire that H will wake up from his current state, I feel in my gut that he is no where near ready.. So I need to prepare my S for that. My wishing for a miracle isn't going to help my son. For his sake, if for nothing else, I need to be realistic.
Speaking of S, I am planning to go over "the talk" with H this weekend, to practice for telling S next weekend. To me that isn't some kind of unnecessary relationship talk/drama, that is the reality we need to handle together as co-parents.
And if my H really is such an idiot that he doesn't want a strong, smart, funny, cute, witty, outgoing, cheerleader/pompom/sorority girl who is great with kids, and who also JUST happens to be the mother of his children and wife of ten years, I SHOULDN'T want him back. It doesn't mean I won't cry about it and hate it that it ends, but I shouldn't want him if he doesn't know how good he has/had it......
Oh and tomato, you are right I don't need a man. But I WANT one! It is so nice to feel a strong pair of arms holding you, touching you, I could go on,,,,,,,,,,,,,just suffice it to say it has been awhile
