On the Marriage Builders website, look for the "Questions about infidelity?" section about 2/3 the way down the page. Then click on the "Click here" link. Or, just click this:
Other than "After the Affair", DB, and the Marriage Builders website, the only other book I read was "As for Me and My House" by Walter Wangerin. I think it's available through Amazon. It's a really good general marriage book. It has a chapter on infidelity, and recovering from it, but it's main focus is more generally on making marriages last. It has a lot of good stuff about how to forgive. I read it after my W told me that she didn't think she loved me anymore, but before I found out about the A.
I don't think I've really started to go through the resentful stage yet. I'm still concentrating mainly on winning her back. I've certainly felt some resentment (I resent the hell out the fact that she seems unable to completely break from the OG), but it's just not my focus yet. What do you resent the most, the fact that he had the A, his not being sorry enough, his not working hard enough now, the fact that he's unwilling to leave his job, or is it something else? What's the worst part for you? You'll need to help me prepare for that stage.
Glad your date was good. Did your H treat you well? That's the main thing, who cares what everyone else thinks. Besides, I'd bet that nobody thinks you are a fool. More likely, they're thinking how good you looked and how well you seem to be doing, given the terrible thing that was done to you. Most people, when it gets right down to it, don't condone adultery; if they are thinking badly of anyone, it's your H and the OW.
And, yeah, I know what you mean by wanting to compare. If I hadn't already met the OG, I'd probably have needed to go see what he looked like. The OG is actually pretty good looking, but in the end I'm not sure that I'd feel any better whatsoever if he was ugly.
My W work long shifts at the hospital, so she won't get home until around 9 tonight, and she'll be wanting to get to bed by 10, since she works all day tomorrow too. So, I may or may not get the chance to give the massage. Oh well, if not tonight then maybe tomorrow night.
