Somehow, I already knew that your H wouldn't read anything. Sounds just like my W. Ah well, I guess it just means we have to get them to change by changing ourselves.
I don't think it's bad at all that you want to go to your H's work and rub it in the OW's face. Be happy and act confident and if you see her, act like she's not even there. Don't give her the satisfaction of knowing that you ever think about her, that she's anything more than an irritating little gnat in your life. I hope you have a great anniversery, and I hope your H treats you like you deserve to be treated.
I'm starting to really get excited about the Vegas trip, even if it's only going to be 2 days. I don't think we've spent 2 days in a row alone together since my 7yo was born. My W called earlier to say that she'd been checking out some hotels and shows online. It's good to hear that she's excited about the trip too.
She also mentioned what she is doing today. It really helps me to know that. I'm not sure if she is conciously doing it to reassure me, or if it was just regular conversation (I suspect the latter), but it sure helped my attitude today.
Also, I haven't thought so much about the cellphone thing today. Obviously, there is a direct correlation between knowing what my W is doing and knowing that she seems happy, and how much I obsess about what may be happening between her and the OG. I'm sure that the first bad day we have, I'll be obsessing again. Gotta keep that from happening any time soon.
I just had to share the biggest good surprise I've had in years. Last night didn't start off so well, but it got better. I got home and had to wait for my W to get home from tanning. Tanning, you see, was another of her excuses to call the OG during the A. When she took longer than I thought she'd be, I started to think bad things were happening. I didn't say anything, though, was happy to see her when she got home, etc.
Later, she was again very affectionate on the couch, and we were having a nice evening, as we've had each night since Saturday. Then she suggested we go to bed early, which, being tired, I was happy to do. I was already sitting on the bed watching TV, when she came out of the closet wearing a tiny skirt, revealing shirt, and high heels. I was shocked. She proceeded to seduce me in a way that she hasn't done in many years. It was awesome, mindblowing, fantastic, a night I'll remember forever.
It's hard even now to believe that this really happened. My W is changing. She is actually coming back to me.
I should temper my enthusiasm by remembering that several milestones have yet to be achieved: she has not yet put her wedding ring back on, and she has not yet said ILY. And, of course, there's still the cellphone thing. But it seems that a corner has been turned. There are obviously miles and miles to go, and undoubtedly there will be many potholes along the way, but for today, I'm just gonna feel great!
That's great, Brian! That sounds very positive to me. Keep up the good work, but also make sure you keep your expectations realistic and your goals in mind.
Hi Bri, Thats great, I'm happy for you. I guess we have to keep looking at all the positives & stay solution oriented. Take one day at a time. Well this is going to be short I am getting ready to go out (meet H for Anniversary) I am so nervous. And I am trying to look drop dead gorgous due to the fact the OW might be there & I really do hope s is. I just hope s dosen't confront me for some reason, I don't know what I'd do. I think the best think is to be cival & act as if s dosen't matter at all to me & that in the end I won. But I'll really have to refrain from decking h right in the face & telling h what a home wrecking B**** s is. But I will probably be the better person I think that would have a much better effect w her & my H. I hope h would be very proud of me. But maybe h would be more flattered if I kicked h ass. Who knows? Wish me luck! ~~K~~
Thanks for the kind words on my thread. I gotta say that I'm seeing some great stuff going on in your sitch -- not just in the responses that you're describing from your w but also in your own attitude!!!
Awesome on the no snooping thing, too!
Quoting eskb: So what am I saying? I guess it is just that as long as she still calls him, I am unsure that I can compete, that every minor flaw or problem will be amplified and exagerated, that conversation with me will be mundane and boring by comparison. And I don't even want to think about what she may think about the comparison in the sexual realm.
Reading my own words just now, I see a lack of confidence in both myself and in DBing. I don't think I have ever suffered a fundamental lack of confidence in myself, but then again, these last few months have not been self-esteem building times.
Well, you know from my thread that I can relate to this all too well...I'm starting the process of rebuilding "me" now -- through C, through figuring out how to take pleasure and pride in the other areas of my life...
keep up the great work! sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
This sounds very similar to one of my experiences. Take it with guarded enthusiasm and call it a thank you for not snooping or making her feel pressured. This is what a PMA will do for you. However, don't let the highs get too high. It sound like you are going with the flow and that is a good thing.
The trip to Vegas sounds great and my W and I did something similar at this phase of our "recovery" as well. That was the good news, the bad news is that she still contacted her "friends" for 2 or 3 months afterwards. It really pissed me off but remember this is a "process". A year later she is here with no contacting of "friends" and our R is in an upward spiral. Just do your best to get through the "crap".
Tip of the week: Get some massage oil and surprise her with an evening of pampering. Call it "positive reimforcement" for her seductress routine. Just portray youself as a quiet "cabana boy" and relax her into dreamland. The massage will probably make her "putty in your hands" but let her lead the evenings activties.
Thanks for the cautionary note. My feet are back on terra firma now. Not that anything bad has happened. Last night was ordinary, but the definition of "ordinary" is getting better. My W had to get up early for work this morning so she mainly just wanted to get to sleep early last night.
Proof that I'm at least partly back off my high: I've started becoming more uneasy again about the cellphone issue. Feeling the need to snoop, to find out the frequency of the calls. Is it not at all (I'm not that lucky), once every few days (unlikely), once a day or so (most likely, I think), or multiple times a day (I fear that this may be the case, but pray it's not). I feel the need to know what I'm up against. If it's relatively occassional, I can probably handle it awhile longer, and continue DBing away. If it's multiple times a day, that puts me in a tough spot. That would be very hard to reconcile with how great she's been toward me lately. I don't know how to wrap my mind around that.
We did book the airplane tix for the Vegas trip. Leaving early on the 29th and returning late on the 1st. We're not much into gambling, so I want to check out and pick a few of the various shows to see. If anyone's been there lately, I'm open to suggestions.
I loved the "cabana boy" tip. That's definitely something she'll go for. And as you say, I'll just let her sleep, with no expectations (unless she insists on something else, of course!).
Hey Kim, you out there? On pins and needles waitin to hear about the anniversery date.
As to the cellphone thing - stick to whatever your goals were. If that allows you to snoop a few days a week (or whatever) do it. Just be realistic about what you'll find and the fact that it probably won't improve your mood.
On the Vegas question, my W and I went to see "O" by Cirque du Soleil at the Bellagio last month. It's expensive (~100/seat), but was an awesome show. If you and your W like naughty shows, there are lots of those as well (we saw "X" at the Aladdin, but there's really no comparison between those types of shows and the high end stuff). Celine Dion is currently playing at the Bellagio too, but my W and I don't really like her stuff. There's always lots of comedians and standard fare. A quick web search will link you to the current show listings. Have fun.
Hey Brian, Well the date was fine, had a good time. I really felt uncomfortable being there,like everyone knows & their looking at me (like whats wrong w me or that I'm a fool etc.) I didn't see OW at least not for positive (I don't know what s looks like)just blonde. I think I possibly figured out which one s was just by the looks I was getting, maybe it was my imagination??? I couldn't bring myself to ask H which one s was. I didn't think that would be a good idea. But thats ok as long as s saw me & me w my H, I get some satisfaction. I try not to obcess over h. Oh, yeah I forgot when I went in my H always tells me to go in the kitchen & let h know I'm there, so I did. And I could have died because one of h other co workers saw me (a guy)also a friend of my h, yelled "Mrs. B " Happy Anniversary!" If people did not know who I was or if I was there they knew then, (everyone turned to look at me.) It was almost like he did it on purpose, my H was downstairs & h heard him. Oh well maybe it's a good thing that I don't know what OW looks like, even though most of me wants to know I would like to compare. Is that crazy? I know what you mean about the ordinary I feel that way some nights, but I'll take it any day rather than the alturnative! ( is that sp. correctly) The massage also sounds great I would really enjoy that myself (plus I'm sure it would get me all hot & bothered) I'm sure at the very least she will enjoy it & think how great it was for you to do it for her. Good luck. ~~K~~
Hi Bri, It's me again. I got on the Marriage Builders web site, Where should I actually begin? I also wanted to ask if you have been recommeded any books or read any that helped. I have DR of course & I read after the affair (which I really didn't like very much) I have been planning to take a trip to the library to see if they would have any of the books that other DB'ers have recommended. I have been having those up & down feelings a little to much this week. IL my H but I think I'm starting to resent h now, I don't know if that is normal or not? I have overwhelming feeling of love for h most of the time, but then I panic (I guess) & start feeling unsure about things & sometimes feel like I would like to make h pay for what h has done to me ( more love than resentment) Have you had these feelings? I hope since you haven't been on that your having a good start to the weekend!!! ~~K~~
I gotta say that I'm seeing some great stuff going on in your sitch -- not just in the responses that you're describing from your w but also in your own attitude!!! 
