There were so many things my ex-h could have done to make me feel more alive, attended to, supported, loved...and any of those things, had he done them, would have made me feel more in the lovin' mood if you catch my drift...
I'm not sure that housework is the thing your wife needs from you, but if it is, then that's the easiest place to start!
Near, I know from experience how difficult it is to try to step up and be really good to her even though she isn't going to put out any effort to be good to you. I actually did that for a long time in my marriage, but it was never truly genuine. In other words, I did it, but it was only in an attempt to get a reward from him. The ONLY way to do it and actually make it work, as Bagheera is telling you, is to do it because it is the RIGHT THING to do, and not because you expect a reward. Wish I had known and understood that when I was married, and I wish I had been mature enough to give without expectation.
If you do this and make a plan for yourself of how you are going to give without expectation, IT WILL WORK! But it takes a long time and in the meantime, your needs will still go unmet. But that isn't any worse off than you are now, is it? This is basically your only chance of causing a miracle to occur in your marriage. Will you take that chance, or just be miserable until your marriage dies a slow death?
I wish you the best. I hope things can work out. It will be 100% up to you to start the process, but she WILL get on board if you do it well.
If you can realize that your wife wants and desires intimacy too, she just cannot feel it in her body right now because all fawcetts are turned "off". YOU can turn them back on. Remember though that part of why they are off was from your side of the equation. Think of yourself as a plumber with a difficult large project to do and get to work on it, and you will eventually receive rewards.
