Is your H open to reading books or reading on-line about M and R stuff? If he's like my W, then he's not. I keep thinking that if I could just get my W to participate in MC or in reading After the Affair or DB, or in reading on the MarriageBuilders website, that she would really start to understand what it is I'm going through, and how she could help me through it. I keep thinking of how some of the things that would provide me with the greatest reassurance would be so easy for her to do, if she would just decide to do them (this whole new cellphone thing notwithstanding). In your case, I think your H owes it to you to go the extra mile to reassure you, especially because of his daily contact with her. If only he could/would put himself in your shoes.
Things last night were OK. W was again affectionate. At the same time, though, she seemed a little tense and distant. She said something about not feeling well because she's starting her period, but of course, I suspect that it may be something else (didn't ask).
Over the last few months, I have often wanted to cuddle up close to my W as we are going to sleep (we never used to do that, one of my failings, I think, but it's something that I really do like to do now). When I first started doing it, she would often get annoyed by the gesture, and by how it disturbed her sleep (she's big on sleep). Later, she started being more OK with it, but has really never expressed wanting to cuddle with me. Well, last night, I started to cuddle up next to her. She said that she was uncomfortable and wanted to lay on me (halfway). So we ended up going to sleep with her head on my shoulder, and her arm around me. It felt great. Even if she may have been doing it mainly for her own comfort, I know that she was also doing it because she knew it would make me happy. I'm starting to see signs that she is doing things like that, just to make me happy. There's maybe starting to be a little effort on her part. Hope that continues.
One other nice development: We were able to find babysitting (her B and SIL) so that we can go alone on a quick 2 day trip to Vegas at the end of June. I so much want that trip to be a great one, but I know that I'll need to keep my expectations reasonable. My W seems reasonably excited to go. I had suggested such a trip a few months ago, but she had reacted badly to that. So her attitude now is definitely an improvement.
No snooping now for 3 days. The cellphone thing is definitely on my mind a lot. Not being able to trust is a terrible thing to have to live with. It's really hard to reconcile what I know (the cellphone) with what appears to be (more affection and other good "signs" from her).
