Think "Saddam." If you're going to ACT like you have weapons of mass destruction, then the world is going to have to take you at face value and react accordingly.
If your wife wants to be a "madman" and refuse your terms out of stubbornness/pride/spite, and she is, in fact, NOT in contact with OM, then that's going to be her problem. Everything you've asked for is perfectly reasonable, and no reasonable spouse would make any conclusion OTHER than she was still in contact (or at least WANTING TO BE ABLE TO BE) with her boyfriend by her refusal.
