No snooping for 2 days now, and no confronting. I've pledged to myself (and this thread) not to snoop until Saturday, at least. We'll see.
Actually, I don't think you had a backslide at all. You acted with plenty of restraint. Personally, I think that if your H is going to have an after hours discussion with the OW, he owes it to you to volunteer what it was about, without you having to ask. And if the subject was about anything on a personal level, then it was inappropriate. Just like I think my W owes it to me to volunteer what she's been up to for the 3 1/2 hours between taking my son to kindergarten at 11:30 and picking up the boys from school at 3 every day (which was often when she'd see the OG). I try not to ask, and she rarely volunteers, unless it comes out in the course of normal conversation. Why don't they see how important this stuff is to us, and how easily they could put to rest our fears, and let us happily move on to something else? I don't know. They seem to feel just as entitled to their privacy as ever, and feel stifled and awkward about doing the simple things that would reassure us. I don't get it, but from reading other threads, it seems to be very common.
I do think that their guilt is a part of it. They don't want to think about the A, and they don't want you to think about it. So, they think that the best thing to do is to ignore anything related to it, or minimize it, and it'll go away faster. What they don't consider is that this behavior only feeds our obsession with it.
Take heart that your H fessed up about it (even if he didn't give many details) and that, in his own way, he tried to make it up to you with the sweet text message. I think it's still going to be awhile (if ever) before my W says her 1st ILY to me since January.
I don't think the jeans thing is significant. I too have come to the office on my days off and tend to dress down on those days. I think that my mind works the same way as yours these days, though. The worst interpretation about everything that happens is the interpretation that I can't get out of my head. If you are like me, then you probably can remember plenty of recent times in which you thought the worst only to later find that you were completely mistaken, and there was an innocent explanation.
You are in a very tough situation, with your H having to see her every day, and all of your panicky thoughts seem to me very rational and reasonable, even though you know that it is unlikely that he is continuing the A with her. I'm probably a bad one to ask - I'd probably be snooping like 007!
Thanks for the "nice guy" comment. You really made my afternoon.
