You cannot FORCE her to not see him. You CAN ask that she respect your boundaries, and if she insists on carrying on her affair, some of your boundaries might be:
- no phoning or texting OM from within your house. Let her go stand outside in the rain if she wants to do that;
- no phoning or texting OM in front of your children;
- no spending of marital assets on the affair, whatsoever -- cellphone, hair, make-up, lingerie, meals, ANYTHING that enables the affair.
Your current boundary is "I won't remain in a marriage where you continue to have contact with another man." That's great -- perfect. It's up to HER to decide if she's going to respect that boundary, or face the consequence. The implied consequence is clearly Divorce, but you DON'T have to give her a deadline, and you can continue to say "I don't want a divorce; but I am NOT willing to live in an open marriage."
"No-contact" and "transparency" are trickier things, and totally different. These ONLY come into play IF and WHEN she agrees to end it, (supposedly). Then you simply say "OK, great, then you should have no problem with thus-and-such," which is what you did, and if she fights you on it -- which she IS -- then you say "I have no other conclusion that I can draw other than you're not following this because you are still in contact with him, and having an affair. I will proceed accordingly."
And you don't have to tell her what "accordingly" is. :o)
