I think we are in a rut

[GoingForward]

I haven't really let go of the past yet. I haven't really forgiven H yet either....but I could do both if he would just be open honest with me. Otherwise I have no closure. Why doesn't he get that????

Ya got me! It's like with my H - why can't he understand that I'm not a mind reader?!!

My H once said to me, "There's no chip I can implant in my brain to remember all of this. I can't just push a button and KNOW what to do all the time."

Dang, maybe I should've told him that yesterday!

What would have made you shut the door?

Ya know, I honestly do not know. That is a VERY good question, Kris. Will have to think about that one. Perhaps I never thought about it because in the back of my mind, I always held out hope that H would one day come back and actively work on the M with me. Although there were many times I felt like giving up (and still do sometimes ), I never actually let the thought die inside of me.

You mentioned that you dated someone else...would you have always let your H come back? If so, how is that fair to the person you dated? GF, please know that I am not judging you in any way, just trying to understand how to move on and still leave the door open.

No worries, Kris.

This is what I posted awhile back:

I would never suggest to anyone to go out and date if they are S'ed from their H/W, and if I gave that impression in my previous post, I apologize. It was not my intent at all.

When my H and I S'ed back in '05, I had NO desire whatsoever to be with anyone else, even after a year went by, and I was approached quite often. Wasn't really ready for it, but mostly I just didn't want to go there. H came to me, rather frequently, always saying he wanted to work things out, then would leave when he got the reassurance he was seeking from me (basically that I was still open to reconciliation and I wasn't going anywhere). After that, nothing more would follow.

I finally said to myself one day, "He might never come back....so what am I waiting for?" I needed to get out of the house, and I needed to feel alive again.

I did a bunch of the GAL things - hung out with friends and family, viewed art exhibits, went to see plays, supported the h.s. by attending bingo night , read a book while enjoying coffee at one of the local coffee houses, etc, etc....and I told myself, "Alright. If someone asks me out again, and he's good-looking , why not? I'll give it a try." I couldn't sit and wait and do nothing any longer. I felt I had to show my H that I wasn't going to wait on him anymore. I had to show him that I could, and would, move on if he wasn't going to come back. I was not going to wait on him forever.

After I did that, that's when I met the man I dated for all that time. He approached me at a coffee house, commented on the book I was reading (by Michael Connelly - I'm a big mystery/thriller fan!), and before leaving, he asked if he could have the pleasure of chatting with me again. Things went on from there.

And I was always very upfront and honest with him. I told him of my entire situation, and I made sure he understood that if one day my H chose to finally get his a$$ in gear, that our R would cease and I would be going back to H. He appreciated my honesty and candor and still was always very respectful.

Anyway, I have no regrets about dating while H and I were S'ed. Like I said, I had to do something different. I had to let go and move on, but I always held out hope for my H to return to me.

There was always open and honest communication with the guy I dated. He understood where I was and always respected that, and it was the same in reverse. I believe we were both lucky and very mature there.

I haven't talked to him since Monday...and I don't even get a hey how's it going? How are you? Nothing. The R just feels so empty. I need more.

(((((I'm sorry, Kris.))))) I know how much it sucks.

You're trying, and it's always frustrating when it seems they aren't. Gotta be strong, ok?

What are you doing this weekend to GAL?!!