Hope4us' Struggle, part 2

[Hope4us]

Ok, I think I understand what you're saying. And check on the college stuff with the kids.

But how do I not let my boundaries be violated when she's so much as told me she won't respect them? It seems to show a weakness if I say now "ok, let me back up, here are my boundaries I have and you need to meet them, but it's ok if you don't for a while".

I can do the detachment thing, but how do you detach and inforce any boundaries you have? Isn't the definition of detaching "acting as if"? If I'm acting "as if" then how do you inforce those boundaries?

Do I just say to her "I'm not going to fight with you. You know that NC with OM is what I desire as a condition to staying in this marriage"? or do I say to her, "Ok, we'll try it your way, you've told me you've told OM that you can't talk to him anymore and I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt on that one, but I will not remain in this marriage if there's continued contact"? Then maybe add something about her having to show me that she's maintaining that NC?

Should I then say that I'm willing to try it her way, but I will not stay in the marriage forever if she's not willing to give me what I need?

Sorry to sound so confused, but I am at this point.