I know that stopping the snooping is a DB recommendation, but how will you know if she's stopped contact with the OM unless you snoop? So, let's assume that your DB efforts continue to succeed and your W seems to recommit to your M. How do you begin to trust again without knowing that you're no longer dealing with lies and deceit? Are you saying you just have to trust again without ever having the wayward spouse have to demonstrate trustworthiness? I don't want to hijack this thread, but it seems that Brian and I are dealing with some of the same issues here with our Ws. I realize that snooping is controlling and can result in a lot of resentment, but it is a crutch I can't seem to do entirely without now that there is no trust. Before the affair, I was never a snooper (never saw the need), but now I'm often tempted. So for you veterans of affairs and DBing, how do you eventually learn to trust the words and actions of your spouse after infidelity? And Brian, if this is not a question you want to talk about on your thread, let me know and I'll post elsewhere.
