Then again D is just a word and a bunch of papers. You keep saying how much your H has loved you. I, for one, am a firm believer that love doesn't just go away. How many times can you really truly love with all your heart? Second "true love"? In a period of time - let me see - 6 months? I don't think so! I think he is in for rude awakening.
So much has happened so fast for you, normally it takes much longer and WAS has time to reconsider his/her actions. Here is link to a very helpful post, if I didn't send it to you yet. It gives an idea of how long it takes to wait out MLC. 6 stages of MLC
It helped me a lot to realize what's happening and what to expect next.
Hang in there, (((hugs))).
I ask not for a lighter burden, but for broader shoulders ____________________________________________________ M 46 H 45 D 17 M/T 23 Bomb #1 (ILYBNILWY) 12.06 Bomb #2 (OW) 12.07 Bomb #3 (chose OW over M) 9.08
Thank you so much for the encouragement!!!!! My H told me that he didn't know what love was until he met me. After he told me he wanted a D I asked him if he really meant what he said, his answer was yes, so I know he really loved me & he showed it. Stella, I think you are right & he is in for a rude awakening!!!
Addie, I'm going to do my best to hold it together. In fact, I'm a little better this morning than I was yesterday & last night. I hope I can cry this afternoon & get it out of my system. I'm about to go mow my yard & I just keep thinking that we used to do yard work together & all that sort of thing & now he is working on OW yard & house or whatever they have together, it is so sad!! You are so right, it is scary how all that can change.
Stella, thank you for the link to the post, I definitely want to read it. I'm sure it will help me understand.
My H can be so proud & wants to be in control, for him to move so fast like this it's unbelievable!
okay, he has gone for a little bit & will be back in about 30 minutes, I've done really well so far until he left. We went through pictures & there are so many memories!!!! I lost it after he left, now I'm trying to get hold of myself. I teared up when we talked about our dog that had died several years ago & also when we saw some pictures of his Dad who died a few years ago. He has been cordial. I'll tell you more later on.
Keep thinking about me. His brother & his wife & his son from his 1st marriage will be here tomorrow.
Thank you, I'm doing my best!!! He is not back yet but should be any time. I'm dying to talk to him & just ask him why!!! But, I promise I won't! We had so many good memories together!!! Looking over all those pictures just brought them all back. He did take a few of me & him together, I think he took one of me by myself & one of me & the dogs. I found some more since he has been gone so I'll let him look at those too. I just want him to wake up so bad!!!!!!! She gave him a chain to where, I always wanted to get him one but he didn't want one because it would pull the hairs, so I asked him about it & said you never wanted one, he said "it was a gift", I said "Yeah" & he did look at me funny like he was saying don't start. Nothing else was said. See since he has been around her he is shaving his chest hairs, I knew everytime before he was going to see her because he would shave. The hairy chest & back didn't bother me, so I guess he is still pretending with her. I better go before he gets back. Thanks for the (((HUGS)))
OH HOW HARD WAS THIS DAY!!!???? Very hard!!! I held it together in front of him. OW woman called him & I over heard some of the converstion (his end), he told her that we had not discused that yet but he was going to try to barter. So, I don't know what that is all about. He said he would repay her, sounded like sex talk & he told her he loved her when he hung up. Said he was tired & ready to get the move over with.
I had some Glamour shots made & gave to him for a wedding give, 15 years ago, anyway we found some of those pictures, he wanted the proofs. He got a few pictures of us together when we went to the CMA Awards several years & a couple of us together in our swim suits on the beach in Cancun.
He asked did I have a job yet, he was a little sarcastic about it but I told him that I went for an interview this week & it looked very promising. He asked was it in the music industry, which it is, so since he asked me I asked him if he had a job, he said he did & it was at another medical facility & he is a project manager, he hates that position!! He was a project coordinator at Vanderbilt, they tried to get him to be a project manager, it would have meant more money but he didn't want the pressure, so lets see how long this will last. She has her hooks into him now & once she gets him all to herself & I'm out of the picture, I wonder what will happen.
He did tell me the place looked nice & while we were outside he asked if my parents came up & helped me, I said no I did it all myself. He said, it looks really good. We chatted some about his boss at Vandy that retired about the same time he quit, told me a few things. We talked some but mostly going through things in the house that was not on the list. He traded a couple of things that was on his list for some oriental rugs, which was fine with me, I really wanted to keep them but he gave me back the washer & dryer & a couch, so stuff that I won't have to go out & buy & the rugs will be cheaper to replace. It just bothers me that OW is going to get stuff that we bought together or like the surround sound, 900.00 that I gave him for Xmas one year. I was so excited to give it to him because it was hard to surprise him & he was really surprised & so happy. He also is taking a crocheted afghan that I made so maybe he will think about me everytime he uses it.
Keep praying! I just hope he will come to his senses soon!!! But it doesn't look like it right now, he is all into his new life for now & I hope he comes out of it soon.
Oh so hard!!! I was going through some boxes in the attic before he gets back here tomorrow & I found the first Xmas card he ever gave me (I save stuff like that), before we got married. He wrote some beautiful things in it. This is just some of it: "There is no way that I can express my feelings for you in words that do justice." He also said: "I know now that I can have happiness and I can be loved without having to be anything but myself." & then the last line was: "I give you something that you must never give back and you must take good care of. I give you my heart." It was so sweet!!! Now he is pretending to be someone he is not with her, or at least I think he is, I'm just not sure right now. Part of me thinks I'll never see him again & then another part of me feels like he will be back. He doesn't seem to trust me right now. He had some papers that he wanted shredded, so I said I would do it (I have a shredder) he said no, I can do it. There is something about him that seems like he is not trusting me right now. I've always been trust worthy but I guess it's because I snooped & found out about OW. I also got into his work emails & saw lots of explicit emails from & to her. I did that so my lawyer would have the proof of his affair. Yes, I know I could have gotten in trouble for that & I almost did, but since we didn't go to court it was dropped. I didn't hack into it, I just knew him so well that I figured out his password. I don't recommend it for those of you out there, how I got caught was I emailed them to myself, then deleted everything but apparently his work has some sort of back up that can see when emails are deleted. So, that's when he knew he was busted.
So, today I asked him if I could have one of the hedge trimmers, we have 2. He said yes, then he said but be really careful & don't get your fingers close to it or get the electric cord in it. So, it did seem like he was concerned about me having it & getting hurt on it. He talked right then like we were still M & he was watching out for me. Since he has wanted D he hasn't seem to care what happened to me.
He did ask how the dogs were doing, I told him about our oldest having some kidney failure & he seemed upset & concerned, she has been more my dog tho & hasn't had as much to do with him. The younger one is crazy about me but she loves him too & he has always been closer to her. She was all over him today, he kept petty her & telling her that he really missed her. She has missed him too, she keeps looking for him.
I still just can't understand what kind of hold this OW has on him & how he could be taken in by her & so fast!! I'm sorry this is so long & I've probably repeated myself but I just needed to vent!!! And get everyone's imput. Thank you all so much for being there for me. After I get through this weekend I want to read all your threads, I'm sure I can't give as good of advice as all of you have done me, but I sure can support you all!!!
You did awesome today!!! I can only imagine how devastated you must be since the D became final a couple of days ago. But you handled the situation really well today. I'm proud of you. You need to do the same tomorrow. Be pleasant, act as if, smile if you can, offer him a coffee/drink, something to snack on while he's there going through the rest of his stuff. Your H noticed some of the changes. He commented on how nice the house looked. I'm sure your reaction today was not what he expected and that may leave him thinking. It's a really good sign that he wanted to keep some of the pictures of you. Don't be too concerned about the shredding of the papers situation. My H didn't want me doing anything for him because that made him feel guilty. Let us know how tomorrow goes. The best of luck!
Me47 H46 S13 M16 Piecing since May/09
"Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it." Lou Holtz
