If you can hang in there, just keep doing what you're doing. I'm sure the cellphone discovery was devastating, but you seem to be having the impact you want to have. If you want to snoop, go ahead, but be prepared for more nasty discoveries. If you don't think she's actually in physical contact with the OM, then you might consider scaling back on the snooping while you're DBing. Don't get me wrong - you have every right to snoop on her given what she's done. But, since your goal is to get her back, as long as she doesn't cross that particular boundary, give her the freedom and space she needs and try to be happy (or at least act as if you were) about the positive things that are going on.
Eventually, as a couple you will have to deal with all the lies, deception and other issues surrounding the OM. For now, though, that kind of R talk will probably push her further away. You will know when she's ready to talk. If there are things that are bothering you right now, then instead of pressuring her, you could consider: 1) getting yourself a solution oriented counselor to talk to individually, 2) calling one of the DB coaches, and/or 3) writing out or journaling your thoughts as they occur for later reference.
