For the guys with kids and a WAW

[hopeful4her]

Quick rundown of my sitch.
Married for 13 years. Together for 14. Six and ten year old daughters. She has a 14 year old son, who I have been with since he was 6 months old, so I consider him my son. Agreed to bring in her troubled nephew at the age of 15(he is now 17). I am now 43 and she is 33. She has a lot of baggage from her past, but I have always accepted her as she is. Great life up intil 2 years ago. She gets a great job at a interim construction loan company. Works with the CFO of the company and another girl whom I have know for years. The girl is single mom with no morals and always looking for who is next. Terrible mother and selfish. She takes wife in as a girlfriend to go out with and also shows her the internet and Myspace. Wife was a Christian who listened to Christian music most of the time and didn't really like my rock music. All of the sudden she is dressing like the girl, (tank tops and tight jeans for the most part). Listening to rock music all the time and wanting more girls night out. After 6 months of working there, I confront her about how her Myspace looks and she tells me I'm just insecure, but soon after she no longer wants to be married. I beg, plead and become involved in church and become saved. November 2006, she tells me she will give us a try. Things move along very well, but just after Christmas, I discover strange texts to and from a client at her work whom I had met. I love your lips, can't stop thinking of you, blah, blah. I confront her and she says she gave him a Christmas kiss and the rest is just playing around. She swears nothing going on. I go on. January 2007, I have heart issues and after all testing, find out its not life threating. Things move along great until July. She loses her job. Cannot find a job and gets unemployment checks for a month and half. Does not take a job offer and loses her benefits. Cars breaking down, finances going to s**t, A/C in house breaking down, living on credit and help of family, she has to repay $1,000. of the unemployment benefits. I ask why we are being punished, she says its her fault as she is not in the marriage like she is supposed to be. I find a phone number on cell phone bill with several calls a day, sometimes for at least 30 minutes, all starting after I leave in the morning. I confront, she gives the he's just a friend spiel. Forward to November. Separation talks, but we are still great friends, but she has now made up her mind to leave with the kids, but still cannot get a job. We argue about who is going to keep the kids.

Mid November she has a TIA or a very mild stroke. Hospitalized for a week then tranfered to a rehab for a month. I'm there seeminly day and night attending to her. I find out he has visited her. I confront. She now admits he is more than just a friend, but still only that. Get her home just before Christmas. She fully recovers by end of January and finally finds a job.

We still attend church faithfully every Sunday. She hold my hand sometimes in church, we hug, she breaks down, but every R talk we have ends up the same. She wants out, she is getting her ducks in a row and she is not leaving me for another man and she is not leaving without the girls. My son knows that she wants to leave, but not why. He has stated to her and us that if she does, he is going to go live with his biological father and that he felt that the girls should stay with me. My nephew has also stated that the girls should stay with me. This has devasted her, but not detered her.

Forward to recent. Another arguement. I tell her if she divorces me, she will lose everything, meaning the kids. I don't want to but I have to protect myself and my kids from her destructive ways. She freaks and calls the OM and tells him not to call her anymore and is not going to call him. She tells him she is telling him this in front of me. He's begging and pleading and asking why. She says "I don't want to lose my kids" and turns off the phone. That was Monday a week ago. She has been on the sofa since. I know they still call each other and have lunch. Last Sunday was the same as others. Praying and crying together, hugging each other and holding hands and a great rest of the day as a family. I decided to go a shade of dark this week. Also have been GALing and taking care of myself for a while and being the best Dad that I can be. We both have a great relationship with our kids and are the best parents that we can be. Part of our problem is that we both put the kids ahead of us.

This morning, she can't stand the darkness from me and mentions it. I inform her that we cannot be friends as long as she is with someone else. She says she will leave after the school year with the girls, as she know our son has already made up his mind to leave. She admits to cheating. I ask her how she thinks God views her. She says she will deal with God and he wiWe go back and forth and ask and I tell again tell her that this is not what I want. I love her still and want a chance at us, but she says there is nothing left in the marriage. I know she still loves me, she just cant bring her self to admit it. The old ILYBINILWY. She see's me as a brother. Whatever.

My question to the guys in a similar position. What about the kids? I know that I have friends and family that will back me up on fighting for custody of my girls. Even her own son and nephew. I know in my heart it is in the best interest of our kids that they stay at home with me. What are the odds? Who else is in the same boat? She admits her selfishness. So far the people that know me (and even some that don't) say I need to get the kids. I live in a continual state of confusion. Like some of the others on the site that would call ourselves dummies, still love our WAW, but have had it. Is it selfishness on my part to want to do this? I don't feel like I am just doing it to hurt her, but maybe she will finally get to that low place and finally get it. I want to know that I am doing the right thing.

Help

Roger