Thanks you guys for the feedback. I agree that in my heart,it is clear to me that there is still hope for us. I KNOW he is confused, but he is not cold and distant like he was in Dec/Jan.
But it is like what our counselor told us, we are in two different places. Since "the bomb" I have progressed in my understanding of our relationship, what I want, what I need, where I failed, what I would do differently, etc. I have read half a dozen books on M relationships. She said it is like I went from a 5 to a 70. I am not "there" yet, but I am covering a lot of ground. H is more like he went from a 2 to a 20. He openly admitted in MC that he wasn't getting anywhere......of course he was with OW too which could have hampered things. He says thats over for a month now but how do I know???
My specific questions are: 1)How do I deal with the fact that he knows he doesn't want to do this but doesn't know what TO do? I need a MAN, to hug, to kiss, to ML, to talk to about life, to support and have support me, etc. I have spent a year without this and I am TIRED!! I want to tell him I am getting mixed messages and ask for clarification but don't know if I should. I don't get sitting in la-la land. If he doesn't want to get a D, if he doesn't want to lose me, then I need SOMETHING to start getting better, ASAP! The patience train has jumped the tracks here....
2)The 180 that got me results was telling him that I was done doing all the work, that I was prepared/making plans to tell our S that it was over. I was very confident last weekend with H and in a positive mood most of the time. Friendly, but I know I should do the same this weekend but I FEEL LIKE CRAP! I am not weepy any more, just feel empty inside. Should I try to fake it and act like I did last weekend?
I am just frustrated at the thought that, even if I put telling him off a month, we are going to break my S's heart for (maybe) no reason. If H thinks he will slowly, slowly work his way back to me, at this rate/pace it is just impossible that we would be together when I move to his town in 6 weeks. So even if we are "trying", we would still have to explain to S that we will be living apart......grr
I know I am incredibly impatient in your eyes. But I have tried, tried, tried to wait and work for the past almost-year. And I don't understand how you can tell your wife you don't want to get divorced but you can't make forward progress either. What is that? And how the F*(K long am I supposed to wait?
I am re-thinking pushing him, that won't probably work. But I don't want him to think he can "hang out" indefinitely in "I don't want this, but I don't know" land either.
