Hello Mr. MLC part tres'...

[smith18]

Heather, you need to make sure that Queen B stays in the hive. Dont let your H's actions cause you to have your emotions take over you. This situation will change you, but try to have it change you for the better.

One thing that you might want to read is about forgiveness...

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/forgiveness/MH00131

If and when you and H start to haggle over the financial's of a D, it is imparative that you DO NOT use the kids as a leveraging tool in that. Custody arrangements are totally unrelated to the splitting of assets and spousal/child support. Just remember that the kids are the one most losing out and they are the #1 priority in all of this. If your L does not express this as the #1 concern, then find a different L.

Does your state require any parenting classes so as to get a D?

[mymonkeybug]

Lastnight was my BIG mistake and I vowed to H and myself and the kids I would never let my anger cause me to behave like that again. My kids were miserable lastnight without seeing daddy and I apologized to them and told them daddy left because of what I said and did and that I will never do it again.

I WILL let it all go today. Today is a new day and I have a new outlook on it all. H is who he is and did what he did but he is still an awesome daddy and I will keep a level head. As long as he provides for his children Queen B will be lost forever in the hive.

[mymonkeybug]

Well H seems determined that we should go to our legal seperation hearing and lie under oath. Lie about him committing adultery, lie about him living with girlfriend although he uses mom and dad's address as his home, lie about us having had sex on Monday, etc... I can't risk lieing under oath. I have children to protect and if I get jailed for lieing under oath, well not good.

I am in such a bind...any suggestions? He seems to think this fantasy world he is living in is how divorce will be but no matter how friendly we are and how civil we are with each other divorce has a reality to it that can't be escaped yet he seems to be still be running and wanting to lie more and more.

[cw68]

Do not lie under oath.

[Virtually_Handsome]

(((((mymonkeybug))))) I don't think we've met, but everyone gets a hug!

Ditto what cw said! He made his bed, so to speak, he gets to "lie" in it! And, if he ever comes around, my opinion is that he will think more of you for maintaining your morals and dignity. If he doesn't come around, well, then it didn't much matter to him, did it?

[Forrest Gump]

So you got the papers?

To me it does not matter how much "drama" is going on. The advice I gave about what to do when you got the papers still stays the same.

Its good advise.

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...t=7#Post1396096

I will also tell you don't lie. Worst thing you could do. If it ever came back on you it would be bad.

[mymonkeybug]

Thank you all again for your support and advice.

H and I are getting along quite well and I really sort of feel like his other woman. He is now kissing me with a friendly peck on the lips, still hugging me quite intensely, and now saying, "I love you " again but in a friendly way not that passionate romantic way...not yet anyway.

I know what his body movements mean and his facial expressions and how he operates and I am seeing the old Danny peaking out again at me.

My question is though...what if he does in time want back? I mean how do I really move past the idea that he cheated for 5 months and lied the entire time about it? And all the little lies he has been telling since to hide the truth and keep me from hurting and himself from looking bad? I think I will always feel like I have to look over my shoulder and worry if he will do it again. That is my dilemna.

Thanks again for your wisdom especially with this one.

[Forrest Gump]

There is a chance he will want to come back.

You are both going to have to figure out how to deal with the "cheating".

The simple fact of the matter is.. The things you have done to each other, make you about even.

I know you are going to tell me "He has done much worse". I will disagree.

"I know what his body movements mean and his facial expressions and how he operates and I am seeing the old Danny peaking out again at me."

Imagine that. The weird thing about it is how you are bouncing all over the place. Your here one minute there the next and he is the exact same way. Its amazing when you are watching it from the outside.. how evident it is.

It still comes down to you making a choice for you. You don't make it because he wants you to, or because it may bring about a change. You do it because you know its the right thing to do. You make a decision for you to stay or go. You either work on it or you don't. I'll cut you some slack cause you have a lot going on.

"H and I are getting along quite well and I really sort of feel like his other woman."

Just to point out you kinda are. If you are happy with it thats cool.

[mymonkeybug]

I am doing things now for me. I am listing the house for me. Our home has been a financial burden since we bought it but we always managed to stay afloat. Now it is imperative to sell it. His pay cut really hurt us. He is now looking for a part tie job to do at night to help out more financially.

I am angry that his parents are paying for him to go on an exotic out of the country trip with his girlfriend because HE needs the down time and stress release of a vacation....WTF?!?!?! Supposedly if I were to ever ask them for help they would help me with the bills and feeding their grandchildren. etc... Who knows!?!?

I just need to get my emotions in check or I am headed down a long and lonely path.

Thank you FG for your words of wisdom. I still love my H as much now as I ever have but I no longer trust him. I can only hope he keeps his word about providing for the kids that he has always told everyone he never wanted in the first place. He loves them and wouldn't change it now but still to this day will tell anyone that asks that he never wanted them to start with...that he was never ready to share his toys and his money and his life with kids.

[Forrest Gump]

Since I am in the mood tonight...

"Our home has been a financial burden since we bought it but we always managed to stay afloat."

Now.. why would you go and buy a house you could not afford? NFC Disease. Planning for that future, living that life, bigger, better, faster. I can see the love in that. Don't tell me you can't. I can also see the love in you selling it.

"I am angry that his parents are paying for him to go on an exotic out of the country trip with his girlfriend because HE needs the down time and stress release of a vacation....WTF?!?!?!"

I am with you on that one. WTF!

"Supposedly if I were to ever ask them for help they would help me with the bills and feeding their grandchildren."

It takes alot for a man to go asking for help from his parents. I felt like such a shi*head staying there, them giving me money, washing my clothes, changing my sheets. Who knows what they would have done. Don't hold it against them.

"I still love my H as much now as I ever have"

I know. I saw it. I still see it.

"that he was never ready to share his toys and his money and his life with kids."

He did. Just not the way you expected. You could not see it. I am telling you.. You will. Now, down the road.. Whatever. You will. If you don't.. You have learned nothing.