I know exactly what you mean about how you can't get upset about anything, walking on pins and needles in order to not get into a fight. It's amazing how we are the ones who have to do all the real R work, while the spouses who had the affairs get to just sit around feeling sorry for themselves, and pining for the OP. I hate that. I think my W is less sorry now than she was when I first found about the A.
Last night, she basically accused me of having affairs throughout our 8 year M. She seems to think that every moment that I have not accounted for my time, every business trip I've been on, etc, have been spent chasing other women. I couldn't believe my ears. She has always been a suspicious person, but I didn't know to what extent. I have always been faithful to her during our M, although I broke up with her for a few months while we were dating, and dated another woman during that time. Now I think she is justifying her A on the basis of her suspicions. My denials mean nothing to her. She says that she never tried to get real proof of my "affairs" because she didn't really want to know the truth. So, she just stewed about it for years, never confronting me about her suspicions. I wish she had hired a private detective. She would have found that nothing was going on.
I don't know if she is telling me the truth about not being in contact with the OG. I suspect she is. I do think she is not seeing him, which is something.
She is very bitter about me and how I have supposedly been during our M. I know that I have a lot of things to work on. But I still claim that things weren't that bad. And there are many things I could complain about, about her, if I wanted. She apparently has never forgiven me anything that I have ever done wrong. I really don't understand it. Somehow, I really think that I need to find a way to get her to see a M counselor with me. She has pretty much refused to see one so far. I'm starting to really doubt that we can get over this by ourselves.
Kim, thanks for your help. As you can tell, I'm not having a good day. I truly hope that your H stays true to you, and that your M stays intact. It sounds like it is worth saving.
