Hi Jen,

I'm sorry to hear you feeling down these days. ((((Jen)))) I've been reading the SSM book myself, so I'll give you some of my reactions to it. (And now MWD has the new book that's geared specifically for cases where the wife is HD and the husband is LD - haven't read it, but maybe you should! ;\) )

My first reaction to SSM was, SOOO much of it sounds familiar! MWD has her set of tools (which I think are good tools) and a lot of this book is about applying them in different (but related to DBing) ways, to fix a different (but related to DBing) problem.

For example, the whole "if this cheeseless tunnel isn't working, try something else" discussion - from your last post, I see you still remember this, so put your thinking cap on! One suggestion, as the HD spouse, you may find that you have to assume more of the "work" of pursuing intimacy than you think is "fair". If that's the case, try to shake that mindset off - it's not about who gets things going, it's about doing what you need to in order to have the intimacy that you want.

And SD is right, start with yourself (just like in the Good Ol' Days, right?) I am sorry to hear about the guinea pigs - I'm an animal person myself, and my family has always had many pets - but I have to wonder if that's part of your trouble. Don't let your world revolve too much around the pets and the H who works half the night - get out and have some fun with other people!

Finally, try not to take H's inconsiderate "up to pee" remark personally. It was stupid, but I'll bet it was just thoughtless, rather than intended to be hurtful. You ARE a beautiful person, inside and out. But remember - just like PMA and happiness, your beauty is something that YOU control and make happen, not anyone else. When you know that and believe it in your heart, your beauty will shine from you so everyone can see it, everywhere you go. Never doubt that!

Hope to hear more good stuff from you soon!


Thread #10
22 year M, MLC, Piecing since 1/07
Goal: Live with confidence & enthusiasm!