What have you done for yourself yesterday and today? Have you considered any of the things NikB wrote to you? All I hear is "my H did this and he did that. Help me." That sounds harsh, but what are you doing to help yourself? Yes, you lived the night, but is that all? Did you try to find a way to not just live it, but enjoy it, or at the very least, forget about your H for awhile?

In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years.
Abraham Lincoln

It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed.
Theodore Roosevelt