She's not mad that I am reading or trying, she's upset that it took her filing for divorce to get me to really see and notice that I needed to do something.
Hi M i've been reading your story, and I see this all over the show. Why did it take a D to make you change? The thing is, if I understand DBing correctly ANY partner can be the first to change, and that should set the domino effect of changes in the R in motion. My question is: If she needed you to change so badly, why did she not change herself? I am not suggesting you tell your W this. But I do think you should not beat yourself up about this. She is just as guilty as you are for the decline of your R. The difference is that she is not willing to take responsibility to repair what she has helped to break, while you are. Did this D promt her to change? No. But you have changed. You are the hero in this sitch.
I've been beat up pretty bad by my W and it has me questioning myself, wondering if something may be wrong with me mentally. When she delves into the past to bring up past trangressions on my part(withdrawing, issues with baby, not paying enough on the finances...and all the thousands and thousands and thousands of other things I've done) before last December I would have fired back. I would have let my buddy anger sit on my shoulder and I would have fought venom with venom. Well now that a have changed, I listen to her, tell her I understand why she feels that way and don't let my buddy whisper at me and tell me to get pissed....
But,it's making me question myself badly. Making me wonder if I am really as screwed up as she says I am? Everybody around me says I'm not, but they have not lived with me for the last 8 years.
