Brian, I just read through your thread very quickly, and may have missed some of the other poster's comments! Your W's A IS NOT about sex!!! There are other problems in your marriage you need to solve to regain the intimate part! The main reason for a woman to have an A is NEGLECT! Talk to W, LISTEN to W, ask her what is missing, try NOT to have sex with her! There are a lot of books here, but the best one I found so far, is "What women want men to know"
My W of 30 years, left me because OG has "all the right words and doesn't treat her like a piece of meat!"Not only is she having an A, SHE filed for D and wants to M OG!
You still have a good chance to save your M! W is home! Most people here have already lost their spouse! First, stop asking questions, stop being curious, show what a great , understanding, caring person you are! Don't call and check up on her excessively, and if you can't get a hold of her, just forget about, and don't question it! You are competing w/OG, so you are going to have to be the one she wants to be with! FORGET about OG, there is no OG, OK? She went to OG because she couldn't go to you, get it?
Take a deep breath, forget about OG, LOSE YOUR PRIDE AND EGO if you want to save your M, or you will chase W away! Yes, it hurts like hell, and will be the hardest thing you have ever done! This is going to take a long time, maybe a year!!! Face it! You will be going through the longest, hardest part of your life! Patience Patience Patience!! tick-------tock-----tick-----tock-----tick-----tock!
Your life has gone into slow motion, and an hour will seem like a day, a day like a week, a week like a year, and a year like eternity! Are you ready for this??? Do you want to save your M?? S-----L-----O-----W-----M-----O-----T-----I-----O-----N!!
As long as there is no talk of D, you have a chance! You have a family! FORGET THE OG, he does not exist, be better than him, be better than W, don't even think about having an A, don't think about kicking his ass, he is not the problem, YOU ARE!!!!!!GET IT????
I'm not saying you have to be nice to OG, he is scum! But don't hire a hit man, or run him off the road, and you don't even have to be nice to him, but don't lower yourself to "scum" level, when ever you see him just think to yourself "I'm a much better person than you are and I WILL be with my W and you won't"
And quit thinking about sex with your W, it is not important to her right now, you are not competing w/OG in the sex department, you are competing in the person department with him, and you have to be the better person! Make W comfortable at home, NO PRESSURE, help with chores, but don't over do it! FORGET ABOUT SEX, sure, hug her, hold her, kiss her, then go whack it! I know you hear this all the time, but BE HER FRIEND!!!, Be loving, do all the things you should have doing all along, WITH A SMILE! The sex will happen, but on her schedule right now! Women have to be comfortable to have sex, safe, secure, wanted, and loved!
Good luck Brian, you are in for a trying time, but you can pull it off!
