Why Can't I DB the right way??

[water2moon]

I had another setback late last night. After a couple of good days and H becoming more affectionate again I went and ruined it and now I know he's once again having his doubts. So here's what transpired, Yesterday he worked a double. During the A I discovered he would do things such as switch shifts,tell me he was working overtime etc and it wasn't always true.So during the first shift he called constantly..That was from 2PM-10PM..The next shift was to start at 10PM-6AM.So at 10 PM he tells me to call or text before going to bed and told me not to get upset if he didn't reply right away. At 11:30 I sent him a text saying goodnight, he called back 2 seconds later saying he was driving to a call and could not text beck. About 20 mins later I sent him a text again reminding him about my daughters project. So no reply at all..I wait ten minutes and begin calling..no response. I begin to assume the worst, that he's back with OW and not really at work at all.So I left him 2 voice mails crying telling him that he needs to call me right away or I'll drive down there..Now that I think back on it I sounded like a loon! I went as far as programming the OW's Addy into the GPS because I was going to drive there and see if his car was there.I also called his station to see if he was there, they told me he was on the road. Rather than accept that I start to think crazy thoughts, like he asked them to lie.He finally calls me at about 1AM. I didn't yell or accuse but just told him what I had been thinking and that I'm tired of feeling this way and always doubting. But he lied to me for 3 months on and off about it being over and the pain is fresh. So he tells me he's at the Police station because a 15 yr old was stabbed but also being questioned by the police and he had to stay with the boy. I heard lots of people talking and realized he really was where he said he was. I felt foolish and stupid and I know there will be times that he really can't call me and that it looks bad if he takes out his phone and calls or texts while he's working.This morning he told me he overheard the boy's father comment to a cop that the Paramedic who was with his son cared more about making a phone call than staying with his injured son and he felt badly about that. Also if the man were to complain if would look bad for my H. I feel like an idiot now..A crazy raving lunatic, thats' me..Why can't I learn to let go? GAL and move on??