Bring on the Rain

[Rob1231]

He said he might drive and wanted to know if I wanted to go with. He was more than shocked when I told him that I'd have to think about it. His response was......What?....Why do you have to think about it?......Do you have plans?

Your H is still living in a dream world where absolutely everything revolves around his sorry a$$. What, you mean Sue wouldn't jump at the chance to spend every waking moment with him, now that his nasty little A is on the rocks? Come ON!

I think he and OW had some sort of rift. I spoke with OW's H on Tuesday. From what he said, OW had some very strange behavior and was very upset around the same time that my H's behavior started to change too. She said on Thursday that she feels like her life is over, a mess. She told her H that if she divorces him, her children will suffer. If she stays with him, then she doesn't get what she wants. He convinced her that night to see a C. By Sunday, she was back to telling him that she wanted no part of the M and she would not see a C. Now, I know my H has tried to contact OW by phone call & by sending her the songs with a "I miss you, I can't live without you..." theme, but I don't know anything else.

It sounds to me like OW is also dealing with a MLC, and is hitting bottom. What you need to remember is that this is all about HER - not about her H, and not about your H. I hope she does come around to seeing a C and starting to get her act back together - for everybody's sake. In the meantime, I'll bet you see just how badly she probably reacts to your H's pathetic, needy, pursuing behavior.

I have to be honest with everyone here. I told this to a very good friend off the board and she told me to put it out here. My H has been asking me to come to grips with the fact that it's over and that we aren't meant to be together for the rest of our lives. I mentioned earlier in my posts that his nice behavior early in the week actually scared me. Over the past almost 3-4 weeks, I have turned a page. I have come to grips with this and have done what he's asked me. To realize it's over. I've come to see how a WAS feels when we beg and plead for them to come back. My H came no where near begging or pleading with me. The very sight of any "nice H" made me want to head for the hills. I felt guilty for my child for feeling that way, but I'm being honest about how I feel. I want to move forward and be happy. Now, I may be getting ahead of myself by assuming that H would come back if it ended between him and OW, but I have known my H for 17 years. He is the type of person that needs companionship.....even it it's temporary until he finds something better. He, in so many words, has told me over the past few years that we never should have continued our M after his first affair. I sat last night thinking about all the things that would need to change before I'd want my M back again. I know there are too many things for my H to handle. However, I also know that if he would come back and I said No, it's too late..........that he would blame me for the split of our family. He would tell me that I begged him to stay and that ....well, here he is.

I might be rambling, but I'm just confused.

Not at all - that makes perfect sense to me.

Here's the deal. H is used to being in total control of this sitch, and he doesn't like one bit that you are taking charge. Do NOT let him box you into a simplistic choice of "Take me back just like I am (yuck) or it's all your fault that we split."

If and when the day comes for you two to reconcile this mess he's made, remember that you have a full and equal say in what that means. You get to dictate things like "If we are going to stay together, you need to clean up your act." If he fails to do so - that is HIS problem, not yours.

You sound so strong, so confident, so clear headed to me Sue. What you called confusion is the conflict between H's lame agenda and your own much better one. You can do this!