Finally installed some programs I wrote under contract on a live service and the customer is happy. Took less time than I expected.
Interactions with W are still 'pleasant' but it bothers me, so I am withdrawing somewhat. I know in 'everyday DB' I should be open, outgoing, draw her closer, etc, etc, but I just don't think it's a good idea. See, she has never had to 'win me back' in previous break ups. Every time it has been me who 'makes it possible' for us to reconcile.
And every time I've lived in fear.
She doesn't even know what the status of our mortgage is. She doesn't ASK. She just assumes Frank will "fix it."
I just don't want that any more. I'm not mean, or cold, just polite, but detached.
Some might say that I'm pushing her away. Or She's 'reaching out' and I'm rejecting her. Maybe. But you know what? My W isn't my friend. If she wants to BE my friend she has to BE my wife. And to do THAT requires her to look at herself and her run away actions.
See, I wouldn't do to a friend what she has done to me, and worse, to our childrens life. So if she wants to be my friend, then she has to be my wife. And to do THAT she has to PROVE to me that she wants to be with me.
No more 'baby steps'. Love has to be tough sometimes.
Do I think she'll try? I don't really know. What I do know is that she isn't trying now - she's just attempting to get back into her comfort zone with me again. I don't want that. I want a wife, or I want to be alone. Choose one.
Will she? Which one?
Frank is worth fighting for. But she has always run from a fight.
