The fat lady is warming up.... 2

[I_Wanna_Make_It_Work]

Hey OF - Thinking about you.

[alamogirl]

Hey OF, Big Tuna, and everyone else,

I'm just checking in. I really have nothing to report except that the ex is still sending me e-mails about pettily stuff.

I'm keeping busy with work and trying to make the next grade. I'm striving for a promotion this year.

On a personal note, I'm hanging in there. I'm still visiting with girlfriends and family members. My co-workers are great. They keep telling me to stop wearing any ring on my wedding finger so that I can attract a man! I tell them that I'm not ready to have a man. I'm actually enjoying my freedom. I purchased some hypnosis CDs that I listen to everynight. I don't know if they are working but I tell you what...I'm sleeping like a baby at night.

Also, I'm thinking about selling some jewelry...2 engagement rings. Does anyone know of a reputable jeweler that I can sell my diamonds to?

Let me know how you all are doing.

All my best,
alamogirl

[jersting]

OF, what are you up to? I haven't heard from you for quit some time.

[OldFool]

Well, I guess it's time for an update, even if there isn't much new news.

To begin with, I'm still not divorced (sigh). My court dates were the day after Christmas and New Years Eve. What a way to ring out 2007.

I won't bore you with the details, but I got reamed...good. There may have been a time when the courts were stacked against women, but not anymore. Now it's the other way around. Elliot Spitzer will get taken to the cleaners (and probably should) because he cheated on his wife. Logically you'd think that if a woman cheated on her husband, she'd get the same treatment. If you did, you'd be wrong.

Marriage is no longer a license to wed...it's a license to steal. So I've become an outspoken, unabashed proponent of iron-clad pre-nuptial agreements (and don't forget the "if she cheats, she gets zip" clause). It's a lousy way to have a marriage, but if you can't trust your spouse (and there are a million stories out there and another million in here that only prove the point) and you can't count on the courts to insure you are treated equitably, then you have little choice (unless you don't mind spending your retirement years flipping burgers to make ends meet because your ex cleaned out your 401k).

During the Regan/Gorbachev era and the nuclear disarmament talks, there was a phrase used by both, "Trust...but verify". Sage advice, indeed.

If you're in a marriage that's having trouble, be suspicious, but work hard to save it (the alternative is grim). If you're contemplating marriage, assume your spouse will leave you and/or cheat on you and protect yourself. If it turns out that never happens, all the better, but if it does at least you'll be prepared. George Will once said that the great thing about being a pessimist is that you're constantly either right or pleasantly surprised.

The good news is that I'm back working again. Though it's taking over my life, I don't really have anything else to occupy my time right now so it's probably just as well.

I hope the folks I know here are doing well. BT, IWMIW, StupidRomeo, AlamoGirl, jersting, and the rest (sorry if I forgot a couple)...I hope 2008 is better for all of us.

[jersting]

OF, I know exactly what you are saying (taken to the cleaners). Unfortunatly no good advice from me on that subject, except what I always hear from people that have been divorced for a longer period of time than us... "The reason divorce costs so much is because it is worth it!" I don't know if I agree with that statement now but maybe in some time, you and I both may agree with it. Keep your head up, as you know as well as anyone else, everything will work out just fine.

[smith18]

Hi OF,

I read most of your painful story. I also may be headed for the final of a D very soon and it appears that it will cost me a lot financially. However, my W seems to be coming around a bit, and in the rare chance that she does, we would require marriage counseling to help rebuild our M. I am curious if you are in the Portland area and if you had any good recommendations for solution oriented marriage counselors.

BTW... I too will be thinking hard about a pre-nup if ever I get married again.

[OldFool]

jersting:

I suppose I should poke around for your thread and get the skinny, but I'll cheat and just ask directly. Looking at your sig. block, you indicate your WAW came back in Dec. and then back out in Feb.?

Somehow in all of my mess, I must have missed something pretty big. What happened?

[OldFool]

Some ex-friends (WAW got 'em in the D) up in the PDX metro area who went through a tough patch some time back used to speak well of a Glenda Bigalky. Don't know if she's still practicing or not. You might try the Yellow Pages.

Good luck. Finding a good counselor is like finding a prince, you have to kiss a lot of frogs along the way.

[jersting]

Well to make a long story short OF, I was scheduled for knee surgery and WAW found out about it. She insisted she would take me for the operation I denied a few times but then I gave in. She ended up spending night in hospital with me. We came home next day and she said she wanted to stay a few nights to help me until I was able to get up and around easier. I told her it wouldn't be good for the kids, but she insisted and I thought...why not? next thing I knew she was moving the kids stuff in and I was telling her to not do that unless she was sure she wanted to work on it. She said she was here to stay and she wasn't leaving no more. I welcomed her back in. She was here for two weeks when she went to her lawyer to call off the divorce. I was delighted untill my lawyer told me he wouldn't let me sign off because of her past performance. I asked what I should do and he wrote up a paper that said if she would decide to get the divorce within a year any of the debt she had created while we were seperated that I would pay toward would be credited to me in the event of her wanting a divorce. She would not sign the paper so I told her we could just leave the divorce pending and we could go to counseling. She said we didn't need counseling and she would prove to me she was here to stay. about 2 weeks after she said that she moved out again.

[smith18]

Thanks OF, I looked her up - she is in Vancouver.