#3 Did I find DB too late? Maybe not...

[cw68]

This is big in my book. We haven't planned on doing anything together without the kids since December. We've been alone, but it's more that the kids would go off to play with neighbors and we did watch a movie together one night. That's it.

God, I have a date this Saturday for dinner with this guy I like and want to impress!

[cw68]

Here's where DBing makes a difference in my actions. OK, well it makes a difference all the time, but... H called to say g'night to the kids and we spoke for a bit. He had just finished a workout, trying to release some stress. Didn't say anything about Saturday. The old me would have brought it up and forced the issue. Instead I'm letting it just come when it comes. That might not be until Saturday afternoon. I know this. I'm OK with this.

In the meantime, I've got to think of a cool/light/fun thing to do should we actually meet up. Then I've got to plan on going downtown afterwards, or have something else fun planned though I'm honestly probably going to want to go to bed early because Sunday's a busy day.

[jmw128]

gl2u...act as if and I hope you have a great time...


once again...gl2u...give us the updates...us inquiring minds teetering on stage 2 want to know...have fun.

[cw68]

My guess is that we're not going to do anything together. Nothing's been said. Will find out after son's t-ball game.

I'm not getting good feelings right now at ALL from him.

[cw68]

No time alone together. My son didn't want to do the event at our club. He's only 5 and he had a b-day party this morning, H took kids to the club to swim, then he had a t-ball game, the last thing he wanted to do was go to a party. H asked me over for dinner instead and I told him that I was really just looking forward to some time along, to the dynamic changing and not the same old thing. So he asked me if I'd be interested in going to a local taqueria for margaritas with S5 while D6 was at the event at the club. I said sure.

I drop D off and phone rings on the way home, it's H. "Why don't we just sit outside in the yard? I'd rather do that then spend $30 on a dinner that's not even good." Um, OK, is there food at the house? Guess who ended up making most of dinner? Yep, me. We sat outside together for a whole five minutes. Then dinner was over, he goes and gets D6 from the event early, leaving D5 with me because he didn't want to go. H's gone forever, calls and says that she didn't want to leave yet and he'd be home when she came out. Makes me feel that I'm just there to help him out so that he didn't have to face D5 having to do something he didn't want to do.

He comes home, asks the kids if they wanted to go play in front for a bit. Says, "Mom can sit by herself on the front porch and read." (Thanks.) I think that maybe we can all play a yard game together and I come out to H getting everything ready, "So that the kids and I can wash my car."

I was done. I'm really upset right now. He has me around when it's easy.

We just spoke briefly, he doesn't want to spend any time alone with me. His words.

I'm letting him go. This is just too hard. Right when I think things are getting a little better, he tells me that they are exactly the same. He's getting a Dobson letter.

I'm not completely done trying to repair my marriage, but he can go if he really wants to.

This is just too much. Too tiring. Too hard on me. I feel worthless.

[cw68]

Holy Moly. I just found out my niece is pregnant!! It's not exactly a congratulations thing. She's 22, can't hold a job, gets drunk all the time and isn't married. Apparently this was planned and the boyfriend she's living with is very excited. My sister and bro-in-law don't know yet. I'm freaking out.

On this front, H and I had a very good talk on the phone. I told him the Dobson thing, for one. But he actually opened up some and it was amazing. He sat there and told me that it's apparent that I've got my sh*t together a lot more than him. I'm the one who's becoming a better person, I'm the one who's really got it going on and he's just completely confused.

After months of telling me that he never wanted to get married, that he never really loved me with all his heart, etc. he finally said that he did really, really love me and that he was a big boy who made all these decisions that he has to live with.

I had a great session of dbing and was given a lot of opportunity to validate, respond honestly and I think I earned a little bit of his trust back too. He said that he doesn't want to spend time alone with me because he doesn't want it to muck things up, that he doesn't want to confuse me and make me think that things are going to change just because of it. Here was a great chance to show him the "new" me. I told him that I understood but wanted him to know that I wouldn't read too much into it. If he just wants to go out and have coffee with me, I'll take it as him just wanting to go out and have coffee with me.

Along the Dobson line, I told him that I wasn't giving up, that I still didn't want a divorce, that I still thought we have what it takes to make a good and lasting union but that if he wanted to walk, I wasn't going to stand in his way. He's not walking.

A lot of other things were said, but I'm still too stunned by my niece's news to go into more detail.

At the end of the conversation, he said that he felt much better, that it was a really good conversation and asked if we were still meeting at the club at 9am in the morning. Yep. All my great intentions of making a clean cut went to the wayside, however, because five minutes later I had to call him to ask to bring my gym shoes to the club. Then 45 minutes later I just HAD to call him to tell him the news about my niece.

I'm going to bed in a happy mood, a little shocked and definitely a lot better than I thought I'd be just two hours ago.

nite nite y'all

[Virtually_Handsome]

What an evening! Your head must be spinning!

(((((((cw)))))))

I need to digest it a bit, before I say anything! You probably do too!

But hugs, anyway!

[newnamenewlife]

What's a Dobson letter?

CW, it sounds like your H feels unworthy of you. It must be so confusing--as it is for me too. Last night H&I started watching a movie together, but I lost interest in the movie and I also couldn't stop thinking of some of the things he accused me of in MC on Friday, so I went up to bed. I was starting to feel like we've entered stage2 (friendship), but then my hurt and resentment and guilt flood me.

I do question the DB idea of becoming the greener grass--as you are doing. It's great in a way, but I think it can be scary for the WAS. In my case, there is no question that my H is OVER me, big-time, and just wants to see me happier so he can move on.

[MichelleLT]

Wow. I can't even imagine. What a crazy night. ((((((cw))))))

[JenInVen]

(((CW)))

So sorry to hear about your neice. Not the greatest thing but maybe it'll make her grow up real fast.

Your H seems to be coming around! Any new on the marriage counseling trip?

Jen