Thanks for your help. The marriagebuilders site was helpful. Maybe I can get my W to do some reading now too. She is more open to that or MC (which we are going to look into) now. Thanks also for your advice about choosing a good counselor.
As much as I'm hurting, after reading others' posts, I realize that the situations that many others are in are worse than mine. Spouses that keep them in limbo for years, spouses that abandon them, spouses that have multilple affairs (like yours). I find it hard to believe that the pain can be worse than mine, but it must be. Can you describe your situation a little more?
Can you ever have sex without thinking about or picturing the lover with your W? If so, how long after the A did that take? And if not, can sex ever be more than just a physical release again?
I think I can love her again. Actually, that misstates it. I know that I love her now, and yet I hate her too. She was as cold and as uncaring for my pain as I can imagine that someone could be. There were many times during the last few months when she "just wanted to be alone for awhile" (e.g., overnight), or "just needed to be alone with her friends from work" (out until 2am). This stuff crushed me, and she knew it, but she would just get angry at me for my "neediness", and make me feel guilty for "smothering" her. Meanwhile, of course, she was just going to see the OG. It is truly amazing that love can be so wonderful, and yet if it is directed outside of the marriage, so completely destructive and hurtful.
Anyway, I'd like to hear your story, if you'd like to tell it.
