H is Having Affair after all - Part 2

[25yearsmlc]

Evie,

Do lots and lots of listening. Commit to nothing except that you have a lot to think about and that you now understand his need to "wrap things up" quickly,

b/c to HIM the separation was a prelude to divorce, and may therefore appear to him that you are "dragging" your feet, whereas for YOU, it was something else (NO GUILTING him on this, just an observation you make). Instead of Asking HIM for HIS understanding about this key piece of new info you're trying to figure out, tell him you need that time. HOWEVER, we all need information to make our life plans and NOW that you have it, you're moving on and then, get back to LISTENING to him. By this comment about moving on, you are telling him you will NOT be "dragging" things out, now that you know the truth. You can imply that if he had
simply told you earlier in the sep, you'd both be farther down the road from this mess....Stay CALM, CALM, CALM.

This is like a military operation in which you are gathering data, and gathering more, and making no specific commitment except enough to stop him from freaking. We call this "intelligence" gathering. Are you up for the mission?

Here are some "Back up ballistics" if he goes nuclear on you with threats of financial ruin, etc etc etc

"H, Is this constant pressure for financial decisions, some form of extortion? Meaning,are you going to keep on closing /changing accounts unilaterally AND without telling me?" And what about this insistence that it all be written down asap, but his additional insistence that no lawyers get involved and IF YOU keep "dragging" it on...what? He'll keep punishing you? if he pushes and pushes you for "a decision", or makes more legal/financial threats, throw it back at him. Financially speaking you've done nothing wrong. Stay "in the now" as much as possible, and avoid reference to the A, except as it relates to the "delayed reaction" of yours with you not moving on, blah blah blah.

Also, unless the evening is going very very very well, end it early but politely telling him you'll consider all that he has said and that you'll get back to him as soon as you can...good night.

(( j- ))